Disability jokes
If I looked like Stephen Hawking, I would also be an atheist.
What has no legs and a human body?
A human with no legs.
What did Hellen Keller do when she fell in a hole?
She screamed until her hands got tired.
What time is it when you say I can’t walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦼.
What time is it when you cannot walk? Time to get a wheelchair 🦽.
I wish I was blind.
Disabled people can help the world to get a printed copy of "Leaning Tower of Pisa," exactly leaned at an angle.
Why were Helen Keller's hands crippled?
From reading stop signs at fifty miles per hour.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman? No, seriously, why can't she drive? Because she's dead.
How do you punish Helen Keller? Just move the couch.
Have you ever stepped in Stephen Hawking's house?
Neither has he. 😂😂
Me: I want to be a stand-up comedian.
Friend: You have to be able to stand up.
Why couldn't Professor Xavier fight Magneto? Because he couldn't stand up for himself.
What can you not ride with two wheelchairs? A burger 🍔 one wheelchair.
What is so good about a dog that cannot see? Nothing is good.
What is a guide dog 🐶 that cannot walk? A useless guide 🐶.
There are 4 people in a line. Three stand up and say "We are standing up for cancer," and then there's the one in the wheelchair.
Why doesn't Helen Keller's kid have ears? She gave it its first haircut!
Why is Helen Keller's snatch always sore?
She wipes with a Brillo pad.
Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!