Direction jokes
What rock has four men that don't sing?
One Direction.
What can you never tell an orphan?
Go home to your parents.
The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.
Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"
"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."
The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"
"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."
What did the bus driver say to the car?
"What is your address?"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the side that he was not on.
Can you fuck me, please?
What do you call an arrow pointing the wrong way?
A Disap point ment.
Bob: Kanye West.
Dad: No, but I can East.
Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)
My future is so bright, I need a flashlight to see where I'm going.
The South.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Worst joke ever.
What did the stop sign say to the street sign when he couldn't read a map?
"Can you give me some pointers?"
How do you confuse a fish? Put it in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner!
So a blond and a brunette jumped out of a plane. Who hit the ground first?
The blond because she had to ask for directions.
What do you call Mexicans in a band trying to be a white band?
"Juan Direction."
Police: Where do you live? Blonde: With my parents. Police: Where do your parents live? Blonde: With me. Police: Where do you all live? Blonde: Together. Police: Where is your house? Blonde: Next to my neighbor's house. Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Blonde: If I tell you, you won't believe me. Police: Tell me. Blonde: Next to my house.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
Which band doesn’t make music?
One Direction.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts make a right.