What do you call an arrow pointing the wrong way?
A Disap point ment.
Bob: Kanye West.
Dad: No, but I can East.
Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)
My future is so bright, I need a flashlight to see where I'm going.
The South.
What did the stop sign say to the street sign when he couldn't read a map?
"Can you give me some pointers?"
How do you confuse a fish?
Put it in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner!
So a blond and a brunette jumped out of a plane. Who hit the ground first?
The blond because she had to ask for directions.
What do you call Mexicans in a band trying to be a white band?
"Juan Direction."
Which band doesn’t make music?
One Direction.
What do you call a clever clock?
Clockwise.
What's the fastest way to Shepherd's Bush?
Up Shepherd's leg.
Titanic was sinking.
Passenger: "How far are we from land?"
Captain: "Two miles."
Passenger: "Which direction?"
Captain: "Down."
Someone asked me where to find de wae?
I replied with: Oh, de wea, that's a shop. It's down the road.
Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!).
As they're approaching the Pearly Gates to be interviewed by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end.
Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven.
He says to the first nun: "Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man?"
Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says: "Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don't let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven."
St. Peter says: "Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
Sister Carmel sees what's going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently.
"Pssst - hey Bernie"!, she says.
Sister Bernadette asks: "What is it?" A little annoyed.
Sister Carmel says: "Do you mind if we swap places"?
Sister Bernadette replies: "What for"?
Sister Carmel says: "Well, I wouldn't mind gargling before you stick your ass in there!"
I'm really bad at giving directions, but don't take that the wrong way.
A gay guy asked me for directions, so I told him to go straight.
The Homo Sexual was a direct descendant of the Homo Genital Erectus, which went extinct in 2037 for being easily offended and its unwillingness to breed.
I tried to stick to One Direction, but then they started to shoot the gay bar...
Are you guys alright?
If you answered yes then you are wrong. You are all LEFT. Kill me, hmph.
(This joke was taken from that none funny b*tch on Britain's Got Talent)
