Difference jokes
What’s the difference between your dad and your hairline?
Nothing, they both ran off.
What is the difference between a baby and a sweet potato?
About 140 calories.
What's the difference between my imaginary friend and God?
None.
They're both imaginary.
How are humans and computers different? A human doesn't have trouble shooting.
Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."
Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"
What's the difference between a Lambo and a boner?
Your sister didn't give me a Lambo.
What do you call the United States of America under a Joe Biden presidency?
Answer: The Democratic People’s Socialist States of America. We're still America, just a different kind of America. And that’s no joke. 😔
What's the difference between a midget and a tall person? Only one of them can ride the rides.
How do you tell the difference between a Palestinian elementary school and a terrorist training camp?
Answer... I don't know, I just fly the drone.
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
What's the difference between a school bus and a cactus?
On a school bus, the pricks are on the inside.
What do an Apple company and an orphanage have that are different?
Apples actually get picked... Unlike little Timmy here... He's been here for 16 years.
What's the difference between my mum and my dad?
My mum stayed.
What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette?
They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
Why do women rub their eyebrows? They don't got balls to scratch!
My arms are just a different texture pack compared to my body.
What is the difference between a retard and a zombie anyway?
They’re always hungry and shuffle around aimlessly, moaning... Oh, and it takes a bullet in the forehead to put them both down.
Uh!!!
What's the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
What's the difference between my dad and Nemo?
I don't know. I still haven't found them.
What’s the difference between women and condoms?
There isn’t a difference; they’re both throw aways.