Difference jokes

What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?

The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.

What's the difference between the Grand Canyon and a blonde?

The Grand Canyon is a busy ditch.

What is the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?

One of them is picked.

What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?

5% of atheists have seen a ghost.

5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.

What's the difference between red wings and old cassette tape players?

One eats tape while the other eats pussy.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?

The devil always has horns... not just around children.

What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.

What’s the difference between orphans and cars?

I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.

What's the difference between friends and family?

One is actually real.

You know what's the difference between my basement and Chick-fil-A?

A lot of things.

What is the difference between a Libertarian and a dumb polack?

Not much difference.

What is the difference between men and women?

Men have 2 heads, women have 4 lips because men do all the thinking, and women do all the talking.

What’s the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein?

Only difference between Michael and Jeffrey is Epstein wasn't a smooth criminal, and Michael was.

If you don’t know the difference between their, there, and they’re, then you're an idiot.

Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.

What’s the difference between a gun and liberals?

Guns only have one trigger.

What is the difference between a hipster and a hockey player?

A hockey player showers.

Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?

A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.

What's the difference between a casino and a church?

You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.