Difference jokes

What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?

Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead.

Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.

So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.

[Chorus:] Hey, now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.

It's a cool place and they say it gets colder. You're bundled up now wait 'til you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture.

The ice we skate is getting pretty thin. The water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire. How about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored.

[Chorus 2x]

Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas. I need to get myself away from this place. I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change.

Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.

So much to do, so much to see. So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.

[Chorus]

And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.

What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?

With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.

What’s the difference between school and prison? One is painted.

Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.

What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None, you are both dead on the inside.

What’s the difference between Jimmy and a normal kid? Jimmy is fat.

What is the difference between a flat tire bicycle and a woman?

Answer: You need to pump the tire on the bicycle before you ride it, while a woman you need to ride her and pump.

Porn.

What's the difference between a Thanksgiving turkey and my kid?

I only stuff the turkey.

What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?

When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.

What's the difference between America and a flash drive?

One is USA and the other is USB! 😂😂😂

What's the difference between a gun and chips? When you bring it to class, everyone starts wanting to be your friend.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?

The look on their face when you're nailing them.

What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.

What's the difference between a grape, an apple, and an arm? You don't slice a grape.

"You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!"

In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

What is the difference between a feminist and a vegetarian? A vegetarian doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons. However, a feminist doesn't act like a bitch for moral, religious, or health reasons.

What's the difference between Donald Trump and Derek Vinyard?

A shaved head, a chest tattoo, and a moustache.