Difference jokes
What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
One is a superhero, and the other is a simple command.
What's the difference between pizza deliveries and the Twin Towers?
Pizza deliveries get their orders right.
What is the difference between a dead baby and an orphan?
The dead baby happened on purpose while the orphan came out as an accident!
What is a good night? Sleep tight, I have four.
What is the difference between a Mexican and a bench?
The bench can support its family.
What did Michael say to the boy in his room at sleepovers?
"You are not alone."
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn't toot when you put meat in it.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange?
I don't keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste!
What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.
A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"
His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."
So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"
She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"
The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"
"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.
The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.
"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."
What do you call Panera bread that has been weathered and eventually gathered and via cementation and pressure, it becomes a layer of different materials and is also one of the most common types of rock in the sea?
Panera Sed!
What is the difference between a man performing anilingus on a woman and a man performing cunnilingus on a woman?
If a man is performing anilingus on a woman, it is not classified as heterosexual sodomy, you fucking idiot!!!!!
What's the difference between me and a depressed kid? At least I'm out of the grave.
Yo momma so slutty, when she got a throat swab, the lab found eight different types of semen on her tonsils.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked.
What's the difference between a God and my mom?
My mom exists. I mean... she did at one point! Unlike any "Gods."
What's the difference between me and an old man? No one pulled my life support.
What is the difference between white people and coal?
It’s bad for the environment to burn coal.
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None, you are both dead on the inside.