Difference jokes
What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?
I've never had a lentil on my face.
What's the difference between a grenade and your wife? There's none. Take out the ring and half of the house is gone.
What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?
The washer doesn't take loads for free.
What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Corvette in my garage.
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
care to explain bitch? it seems thats what youre good at
What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?
One was planned.
What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?
One bails her hay, and the other heils her bae.
What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?
Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.
What's the difference between yo mama and a fat ugly pig? - I never fucked that fat ugly pig...
What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?
One of them is an outside job.
👱♀️ 👱♂️What is the difference between two blondes and a Libertarian?
A Libertarian hasn't won a presidential election since 1972, and two blondes are too stupid to run in a presidential election.
What is the difference between an orphan and a TV?
One has more channels.
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?
One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett? Six hours.
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?
They both like lil' boys.
What's the difference between a rubber and Michael Jackson? Nothing, kids touch them both.
What's the difference between me and my pencil sharpeners? Nothing, we're both broken.
What's the difference between a dad and the Twin Towers? The Twin Towers went black and never came back, and the dad was black and just didn't come back.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.