Difference jokes

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?

My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.

What does a mother fear most?

Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.

What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?

They both like lil' boys.

What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?

One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett? Six hours.

What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?

I can't jump off a burrito.

What's the difference between a dad and the Twin Towers? The Twin Towers went black and never came back, and the dad was black and just didn't come back.

What's the difference between me and my pencil sharpeners? Nothing, we're both broken.

Every zodiac sign has a different hairstyle except Cancer.

"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."

What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?

The washer doesn't take loads for free.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked. Orphans don't.

What's the difference between a grenade and your wife? There's none. Take out the ring and half of the house is gone.

What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Corvette in my garage.

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.

What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?

One was planned.

What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?

One of them is an outside job.

What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?

One bails her hay, and the other heils her bae.

What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?

Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.