Difference jokes
How many degrees does it take to change ice into boiling water?
199, because the difference between -100 and +100 is 199 (excluding the zero, because it's not real and it doesn't exist because it's not real).
Get?
What's the difference between a smart blonde and a dinosaur?
The dinosaur once existed.
What’s the difference between a mushroom and a tree?
One's a fucking tree.
What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?
My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.
What do orphans and police not have in common?
The police can actually go home.
Q: What’s the difference between a priest and McDonald’s?
A: Nothing! They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.
What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?
Your mom finishes.
What's the difference between a Palestinian and SpongeBob's Sandy Cheeks?
One is living in a bubble, the other one in rubble.
What's the difference between a grape, an apple, and an arm? You don't slice a grape.
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
Q: What is the difference between Austin Matthews and a priest?
A: One looks like a pedophile and one is a pedophile.
What's the difference between an orphan and a toy?
One is played with.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is fun to hit with a sledge hammer, and the other is just a watermelon.
What's the difference between "ooh" and "aah"?
About 3 inches.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Derek Vinyard?
A shaved head, a chest tattoo, and a moustache.
What’s the difference between an ant and an orphan?
The ant knows where home is.
What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette?
They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and his wheelchair?
At least his wheelchair can pull a woman.
You know what the difference between Kobe Bryant and Russell Westbrook is?
He wears 0 and Kobe has 0 lives left.
What’s the difference between orphans and cars?
I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.