Diet jokes
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes.
Lean.
Why are vegetarians so good at giving head? Because they’re used to having nuts in their mouth.
Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."
Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.
If a vegan and a vegan have a fight, is it still considered beef?
Why are skinny people skinny?
Because he don't have a family to breastfeed on.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people.
How do people get skinny?
Their parents don't feed them. (JOKE)
Alex Stokes says, "Kat, I've seen you eat many foods!"
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep driving.
What do rabbits eat for breakfast? IHOP.
Is it still called beef if two vegetarians are arguing?
Did you hear about the cannibal who converted to Catholicism?
On Fridays, he only eats fishermen!
You're so fat, when you step on a scale it says, "To be continued."
Eat cockroaches.
I'm on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.
What's a shark's favorite sandwich? Peanut butter and jellyfish!
Why are Japanese always so skinny?
Cause last time there was a fat man, an entire city disappeared.
How do people eat bread?