Diet jokes
Orphans are like vegans, no one ever remembers the nice ones.
I went to McDonald's to get a Big Mac. It was for his mom cause she was too fat.
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes.
Lean.
Why are vegetarians so good at giving head? Because they’re used to having nuts in their mouth.
Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."
Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.
If a vegan and a vegan have a fight, is it still considered beef?
Why are skinny people skinny?
Because he don't have a family to breastfeed on.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people.
How do people get skinny?
Their parents don't feed them. (JOKE)
Alex Stokes says, "Kat, I've seen you eat many foods!"
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep driving.
What do rabbits eat for breakfast? IHOP.
Is it still called beef if two vegetarians are arguing?
Did you hear about the cannibal who converted to Catholicism?
On Fridays, he only eats fishermen!
You're so fat, when you step on a scale it says, "To be continued."
Eat cockroaches.
I'm on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.