Diet

Diet jokes

doctor: you need to eat healthy.

me: no.

doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.

me: oh my goodness.

doctor: in a plane crash.

me: that sounds unrelated.

doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!

Why are vegetarians so good at giving head? Because they’re used to having nuts in their mouth.

Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."

Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"

Why are skinny people skinny?

Because he don't have a family to breastfeed on.

How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?

You pay the ice cream man to keep driving.