Die Jokes

Why did Stephen Hawking die when he logged onto Facebook?

It took all his info!

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Because his carer lost his charger.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

Someone unplugged the router.

Why did Wilson die? Cuz he sucks!

Miss Kadie, I heard that the Westboro Baptist Church is having a party for kicking out 99999 gay people.

Pastor: Welcome to the gay matters church.

Miss Kadie: Stop that, you know that God hates gay people.

Me: Stop that, vegan teacher.

Pastor: You deserve to die.

- I attack

A picture of Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka with text above that reads, "None of the new Willy Wonka movies have understood that Gene Wilder's version of Wonka worked because you felt like there was a real chance he was just gonna sit there and watch those kids die."

"Meow, meow, woof, woof." That's what animals say to me when I die.

My friend told me that he saw a yacht went close in to the yeti's eye, so I said to my friend, "Did the yeti kiss?" But my friend said, "No, the yeti have to play games every single day, or the yeti will die."

I have a riddle for you:

10 people are on a boat, but they all die due to a tsunami except the captain.

Then, when he gets home, his wife serves him “penguin meat.”

Once he eats it, he starts crying.

Why?

How did Sally die?

She got shot.

How? She could not run away.

Why did the guy take a bath? Because he came, and it was too much of a mess.

So, Biden, Zelensky, and Putin are on a plane, and the plane loses altitude and goes down, but there are 2 parachutes. Putin takes the first one and jumps because he is a greedy twat. So he jumps, but then Biden says, "You go, Zelensky. I am much older than you, and it is ok for me to die." So Zelensky takes the second one and jumps, but when he did, the plane regains altitude, and Biden got to Washington, DC, all fine. They found out the reason was Zelensky's steel balls.

Man: Die, potato!

Potato: *screams*

I like trains.

Kid: I like trains.

Man: No, wait!

Train: *kills man*

If the genie from Aladdin was here, my three wishes would be for you to die, your kids to have a miserable life, and for everyone you love to die.

Why did the sheep die? Cos he wasn’t pretty enough.

Why did Stephen Hawkins die? They unplugged the WiFi.

@everyone.. what's so funny is that JIT thinks he's so "cool" and that everyone is "amazed" about him hating on people who is wayyy above him on the roster.

The pathetic part is that he hates on everyone else's family and relationships when 100% of us have a WAYY better one than he will ever deserve. He was born pathetic, and will die pathetic. So JIT, please tell me what it's like to be such a coward?