Die jokes
Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.
The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."
I told my grampa hello, and I said, "Hope you die!" hahahhhhahahahahahhahahahhahaha
Why did Stephen Hawking die when he logged onto Facebook?
It took all his info!
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his carer lost his charger.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the wall.
Memes
I take back my comments on the United healthcare CEO.
Being poisoned by a nurse wouldn't be that bad of a way to die as long as the nurse diluted the potassium chloride first.
Why did the mailman die?
'Cause everyone dies.
Paul Walker started in 3 movies: Fast and Furious, Gone in 60 Seconds, To Die Hard.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He hit Alt+F4.
A shop assistant is helping a little boy who can't find his mum in the supermarket.
He asks the boy, "What's she like?"
The boy says, "Big Cocks and vodka!"
Desmend: FLY
Draco: FLY
Me: DIE
I put my heart and soul in my report, then my teacher says:
"Hey KIDS were going to repeat making current events about our state til we DIE."
....No wonder when kids leave school they're soulless.
RIP Meh Soul.
Why did the baby cross the road? Because he wanted to die.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Someone unplugged the router.
I have a riddle for you:
10 people are on a boat, but they all die due to a tsunami except the captain.
Then, when he gets home, his wife serves him “penguin meat.”
Once he eats it, he starts crying.
Why?
How did Sally die?
She got shot.
How? She could not run away.
My friend told me that he saw a yacht went close in to the yeti's eye, so I said to my friend, "Did the yeti kiss?" But my friend said, "No, the yeti have to play games every single day, or the yeti will die."
Why did Wilson die? Cuz he sucks!
Miss Kadie, I heard that the Westboro Baptist Church is having a party for kicking out 99999 gay people.
Pastor: Welcome to the gay matters church.
Miss Kadie: Stop that, you know that God hates gay people.
Me: Stop that, vegan teacher.
Pastor: You deserve to die.
- I attack
"Meow, meow, woof, woof." That's what animals say to me when I die.