Die jokes

Which way is quicker to die? Noose or slitting my throat?

Bro, if I die, I want to die blown up by 34 pounds of C4 at a furry convention.

Whoever says a joke "is not a joke" should go commit bye die.

Why did the Twin Towers die? Because they had too many plane pizzas.

Would you rather listen to Justin Bieber or die in the slowest and most painful way possible?

They're the same thing.

If you execute someone in ventricular fibrillation in the electric chair, will they come back to life once and then die?

I want to die at a party. This is because nobody can be sad over me.

My joke is your life support getting unplugged because my phone is about to die.

Time for a random Terraria joke.

Q: Why did the guide die at his house?

A: The player dropped his doll in the lava.

(WALL OF FLESH HAS AWOKEN) :| Oh crap!

I love dccfffghyyhh.

I’m going to be scared of diesel.

My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

Someone pulled his ethernet cable (he died of a blue screen)!

How did Steven Hawking die?

He blew a fuse doing an update.

Only if Africa have enough mosquito nets, the mosquitos will not die of AIDS.

I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.

Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.

My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.

Lenin was on his deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side.

Lenin says: "What are you going to do after I die? They might not follow you."

Stalin responds: "Then they'll follow you."

You're so poor that you die and go to the backrooms.

Me die.