Die jokes

How did Stephen Hawking actually die?

He lost Wi-Fi connection.

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Because I unplugged his life support to charge my phone.

Stephen Hawking didn’t die naturally, his carer just forgot to put him on charge.

Mom: You can't die in the living room, David, so you can stop stabbing and shooting yourself.

David: I will surpass Kakarot!

Jordan: *dead on the living room floor*

What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?

If you throw water over them, they both die...

My grandma always told my dad if a bird ever got in your house/truck, someone would die later that exact day.

She found out she had cancer. 11 months later, my grandpa died of a stroke. I hope to see them in heaven. I’d like to meet them. Pls comment good things. I really, really love them, even though I didn’t get to meet them. 😭😭😭

We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!

A man found out that he was going to die.

A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"

Then he died and learned how to say no in German....

When the school shooter kills five people, and the autistic kid yells, "Heroes never die!"

"Sing in music lesson"

"I want to die, I want to die, I want to choke myself, break my neck and die."

Why did Mr. Peanut die?

His cane snapped!

How did Jesus kill himself?

He fell from his bike.

How many times did he die?

Once on a bike and once when he fell from a cloud in Heaven.

Hi guys, I'm back, and YES, two jokes/blogs in one day. I KNOW. I just have nothing to do!!! So today I'm going to tell you how to get what you want from your parents!!! And there will be a joke at the end too. Enjoy!

So the prank that I have for you guys today is, make sure you have glue, dye, and a toothbrush that is not yours >:) So you are going to put the dye in the glue and then put the glue on the toothbrush and give it to your sibling and say, "Here. I got your toothbrush ready for you." Then, make sure they take it. Once they take it, run so that they cannot hit you once they taste it.

Thanks for reading this prank today guys!!! I hope it works out for you, and I can't wait to hear what happens with you guys in the comments below, so make sure to comment and tell me what happened when you pulled this prank!! Sorry, Prankster, if this is offensive to you since you do pranks too. I will not do them anymore if you don't want me to :) Thanks for reading guys, and here is that joke I told you about :)

Yo mama is so fat, when she got in the car, the wheels popped.

So I know this was not the best joke, and I can do better, but I will keep trying and see you guys next time! Bye!!! :)

When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.

But when you do, people scream and run away.

I SH so much, even when I die and become a ghost, you can see red stripes floating around the room.

Did you know that you can die from laughing? Well, that’s why I laugh so much.

Just noticed something: all celebrities die badly except for Elvis. He had a relief after Taco Bell.

pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.

passengers: *start freaking out*

pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.

passengers: *sigh with relief*

pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.

- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.

- How did the gay person die? Homicide.

- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.

- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.

- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.

- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.

- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.

What's worse than depression & suicide?

Easy: LIVING. Everyday you wish you were dead but then reality hits you in the face that you're still alive and have to suffer living.

Pretend or not pretend, we have to decide everyday even if we don't pretend no one will notice :) no one ever does :). Living is the problem to everything. We get depression cuz of it and so much. Why can't we just die :)?