Die jokes
How did Stephen Hawking die? His wife needed to charge her iPhone.
Q: Why is Japan the healthiest country?
A: Last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died.
Roses are red, violets are violets, my dad died in 9/11 and he was a good pilot.
Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?
He could not get up the stairs?
Guess Stephen's batteries died.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? ... Because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep."
The reason why the "eating a tide pod" trend ended so fast is because everyone that did it died.
Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.
So, a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."
Man: Did you know pidgins die after having sex?
Woman: No, really?
Man: Well, the one I fucked did...
My grandma always told my dad if a bird ever got in your house/truck, someone would die later that exact day.
She found out she had cancer. 11 months later, my grandpa died of a stroke. I hope to see them in heaven. I’d like to meet them. Pls comment good things. I really, really love them, even though I didn’t get to meet them. 😭😭😭
How did Stephen Hawking actually die?
He lost Wi-Fi connection.
Stephen Hawking didn’t die naturally, his carer just forgot to put him on charge.
There's something special about cemeteries.
People are dying to get inside.
What's the difference between a baby and a tire swing?
A tire swing doesn't die when you hang it from a tree.
When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.
A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.
On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.
The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."
The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."
A bear is like your best mate, Harry.
If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.
Why did the loo 🚽 roll roll down the stairs? To get to the bottom.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the cowboy die with his boots on??
He didn’t want to stub his toe when he kicked da bucket 😂🤣👌🏻👌🏻.. knee slapper