Die jokes

I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.

“Are you still holding the ladder?”

I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.

I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.

Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.

Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.

The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.

The son comes outside and steps on a crack.

The dad then dies in a car crash.

1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.

2: I'm dying, finally.

3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.

On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/

So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."

Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world?

Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...

Why did Stephen Hawking die? ... Because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep."

A kid had school today.

He was late every single day. He said in his mind, "I wish I can go to school again." What happened? It's obvious...... He died :)

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.

Kenya, if you keep smiling then you will become a positive bitchy!

Tenya, everyone hates you why I have no idea!

Kenya stop smiling and start dying!

Tenya, why are you so mean!

Kenya, stop acting like a mantrapp!

Tenya, stop being a bitch in a skirt!

Please leave a comment good or bad! cusswords whatever!

What do fire and people have in common?

They will both eventually die out.

When I go to weddings, old people will tell me I'm next, but when I go to funerals, I tell old people they're next.

Stephen only died because his wife tripped over the power cord.

I was at a funeral and told a joke, and my sister said, "I'm dead." So I said, "That's what she said."

When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon.

And into a children's birthday party.

How did the orphan die?

Of sadness.

This kid was going to sleep and he said, "Night, Mum. Night, Dad. And night, Grandma, and bye, Grandpa." The next morning, Grandpa died, and the next night he said, "Night, Dad. Night, Mum. Night, Grandma." Grandma died the next morning. The next night he said, "Night, Mum, bye, Dad," and they heard the postman died because he was the dad, lol.

I wanna die.

What's the difference between Jesus and the baby I have in my basement?

Jesus died a virgin.