Dad

Mr Keith Matthews

I’ll always remember my Dad’s last words before he died on 9/11…

Allahu Akbar!

German

GayStinky

Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons. American: I won’t ever see my dog again! Italian: I won’t ever make pizzas again! German: Hey, granddad, how have you been?

Depression

Madison R.

Teacher: People with Depression never get anywhere in life. Student 1: My mom has depression, but she died. Student 2: My sister has depression and she’s going to Therapy. Student 3: My Dad Has depression, and he’s Doing REALLY Well

Truck

Anonymous

I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.

Difference

Anonymous

What’s the difference between meat and fish?

If you beat your fish, it’ll die.

Bill

Anonymous

Y did Steven hawking die he didn’t pay his electricity bills

Party

Ray the morbid dood

When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon…

And into a children’s birthday party.

Sleep

Anonymous

Why did Stephan hawkings die … because he pressed shut down instead of sleep

People

That's Punny

When I go to weddings old people will tell me I’m next but when I go to funerals I tell old people they’re next.

Depression

J0K35

Guy: My life is like a game, I should end it.

Guy 2: Is it a hard life?

Guy: Yup

Guy 2: Then you can’t kill yourself LOL

Guy 3: Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the “game”

Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.

He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.

We will miss ya bud… (cyndagoooooooo)

Log

Anonymous

what did steven hawking say when he died

I’m logging out

Wife

Lachaz

Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."

Week

Funny but sad.

Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying , Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died and two weeks later Bob woke up to Brad’s voice. Brad said I’ve got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you’re up to bat next.

Wife

Anonymous

After my wife died, I couldn’t even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I’m out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!

Head

Killstreak 12

It want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head

Play

Ryan Haywood

What happens when Stephen hawking dies? The windows shutdown sound plays.

Star

Anonymous

My aunt’s star sign is cancer, so it’s pretty ironic how she died. She was eaten alive by a giant freaking crab

Difference

hellhasaseatjustforme

What’s the difference between Issac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death? Issac Newton dies a virgin.

Woman

Person

A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she’s away.

On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, “You can’t tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn’t get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day you could have said that she died from complications.”

The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, “Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can’t get down …”

Chicken

heck

why did the chicken cross the road.

to die

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