
Didnt jokes
My friend once said my opinion didn't matter. I said, "Why did you call me a female?"
Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.
She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.
EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"
Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."
I made a joke about unemployed people. It didn’t work.
My reverse psychologist told me I didn't have it in me to make a recovery.
What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.
I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?
It didn't want to get stuck in any more cracks!
If you were on the Titanic and you didn't leave the ship, what would you do? Just let that sink in.
Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
Why didn't the squirrel want to go swimming? Because he didn't want to get his nuts wet!
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because chickens didn't exist then.
Why did Stephen Hawking cross the road?
Oh wait, he didn't.
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds.
An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town's cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back table. The time was right to make a move. The ranger drew his revolver, charged into the cantina, and announced: "You are under arrest. I get a reward for you, dead or alive. Tell me where the money is, and I'll let you live. If you don't, I'll shoot you right here, and save myself the trouble of having to take you back to Texas alive."
But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. As it turned out, the scrawny man at the back of the bar happened to be a lawyer. He knew the robber, and was bilingual, and quickly offered to translate for the two of them. The ranger said: "Tell him that if he doesn't tell me where the loot is, I'll shoot him here and now." Upon hearing what the Ranger had said, and seeing the cold look in his eye, the bandit knew that the Ranger meant it - if he did not give up his loot, he was a dead man. Terrified, the bandit blurted out in Spanish that the loot was buried in an old barn at the outskirts of town. "What did he say?" asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered: "He said, 'You don't have the nerve to shoot me, Yankee swine.'"
A boy asked his dad: "Why didn’t you make love with my mom, Daddy?"
Dad: "Because I’m gay."
*Son started making out with his daddy and sucking his daddy’s big peepee.*
Son: "W- Wait a minute. So how did I exist if you didn’t make love with my mom if you’re not straight?"
Dad: "Because you are not real, and I didn’t even have a wife."
The son woke up from his horrible nightmare, and he looked so scared. He did leave his bed to check out his dad, but he didn’t find his dad, until his dad entered the house, and he said to his son: "Why did you look so worried? I’m just bringing some food for breakfast."
Son: "Well, but why are your hands full of cum ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ?"
Dad: "Because I did it with you last night. Did you forget?"
Son: "But it was a nightmare..."
*Dad turns into a monster*
Dad: "I’m your nightmare!"
The son woke up, and he seemed too scared, and he found himself beside his dad torturing him after he discovered he’s gay.
The son with himself: "Wake up, b*tch, wake up, b*tch!!!!!!"
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
How did Stephen Hawking die? Because he didn't charge his batteries.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?
He had nobody to go with.
Why didn’t Harry Potter use the chamber to teach Dumbledore’s army?
Because at one point poisonous gases were put in it.
When I went to basketball training, there was a giant bag of basketballs on the floor.
My friend was like, "That’s a huge sack of balls."
He didn’t realize what was about to happen.