Didnt jokes
Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”
Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five?
Logan Paul left him hanging.
Why did Sally drown in the pool?
She didn't have any arms, remember!
Why does air not come down? I think gravity didn't like the Facebook page of air.
This year my friends wanted to dress up as crayons for Halloween. They asked me if I wanted to be a tan crayon. I didn’t want to, but I said yes to be nice. I wish I had said no, because now I look like a dick to everyone else.
The teacher says to do your homework. I do. My friends do. One person never does any of his homework.
Eventually, we had to have fun. He said he didn't do it. WOW what did he do? I like to think he got smacked and nearly committed suicide.
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.
Question: How did the cat cross the river?
Answer: It didn’t, it drowned.
Why did Sally cross the road?
She didn’t wear her seatbelt.
Stephen Hawking didn’t die.
His charger broke.
I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn't understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.
Why didn't the drummer play?
Because he got a percussion.
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It was stuck in a crack.
In America, there was a boy named Urhan, and he had one hand and a stump, and a girl named Handa who was an orphan. They had a trial for the Boston Red Sox, and they failed because Urhan couldn’t stump the ball, and Handa didn’t know where home was.
My friend once said my opinion didn't matter. I said, "Why did you call me a female?"
Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.
She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.
EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"
Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."
I made a joke about unemployed people. It didn’t work.
My reverse psychologist told me I didn't have it in me to make a recovery.