Didnt jokes
Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she replied with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...”.
Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said Sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****,” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is, and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed.
The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is, and he answered with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!”
As Sam arrived at the counselor’s office, she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****,” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.
30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven. God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way. The first lady, she was obsessed with her looks, so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish. The next person didn't know what to wish for, so they wished for the same thing. The guy in the very back was laughing, having a grand old time. Then God got to the person before the last. He said the same, he wished to be beautiful. When God got to the last person, he said, "I want them all to be ugly again."
Why did the dog cross the road?
It didn't. Got hit by a car on the way to the other side.
John saw a Gay in a wheelchair.
"I didn't know a man could be a fruit and a Vegetable!"
I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.
AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!
Why was 6 afraid to go camping with 7?
Because 7 wanted to bring two knives for survival, but 6 secretly knew that 7 hated him, and didn’t have benign intentions.
Read this out loud to yourself and it’ll make sense. ;)
The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."
Why did Stephen Hawking cross the street?
He didn’t; he never did.
Why did the skeleton run away from the crime scene?
He didn't have the guts to see it.
How did Stephen Hawking get up the stairway to heaven?
Hint: he didn’t.
I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.
He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.
You heard a conversation between Sans and Papyrus:
Sans: "Sub bro."
Papyrus: "DON'T 'SUB' ME BROTHER! YOU STILL DIDN'T REDINTEGRATE YOUR PUZZLES!"
Sans: "Easy bro, I have done a ton of work today."
Sans: "A skele-ton."
(Drum effect)
Papyrus: "OH MY GOD SANS!"
Why did the electron leave the atom?
Because it didn't want to be argon.
I'm a teacher at a high school, but I got fired. They told me I didn't do any work even though I always did a skele-ton.
Why didn't the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn't in it!
Why didn't the newest Star Wars movie start with the classic scrawl?
Because it was a Rogue One!
This Chinese girl didn't know what a sausage roll was, so I replied, "It's like a spring roll with sausage in it, but not any dog or cat how you have it."
So, about a year ago I was riding a horse, and out of nowhere the horse tried to flip me off it and I fell off. I would have been OK, but my foot got stuck in the stirrup. The horse dragged me along and didn't stop.
I would have died if it weren't for the Walmart manager who came out and unplugged the horse.
Sans: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Papyrus: Because they looked like me?
Sans: ... Sure.
My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.