I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel had wine and cheese while your loved ones died in the ICU.
Why did Paul Walker die? Because he crashed a car into a tree.
Dwarfism is a growing problem.
Kidding that’s not funny my friend died of dwarfism.
He jumped of a kurb stone.
What do you call a blind person driving a car......... died
Bick: Jesus isn't real.
Ron: Yes, He is.
Bick: Prove it, bitch.
Ron: Cussing is a sin. Open the curtains.
Bick: Wh-?
Ron: JUST DO IT, DAMMIT!
The sunlight shone through the window, landing on Ron and Bick. Both of them died and went to hell.
Ron: Fuck you, Jesus.
Bick: Told you Jesus was real.
Satan: Get to work, slaves.
Moral of the story: Stay off the marijuana.
Jack and jill went up my ass to eat a big dildo but jack died cause he got hit by a brown thing
They never told us Humpty was an egg. A man died then!
my dad died in 9-11 he was the best piolt
I got jealous when my phone died
I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.
I Asked The Emo At My School If He Got Jealous When His Phone Died
A little girl said to her mom, "Mom, my butt's cracked, kiss it, kiss it!" Her mom said, "Sweetie, shut up, it's always been there!" Then her daughter died 'cause of her melodramaticness.
What was the last thing to go through princess Diana’s head before she died? The steering wheel
We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.
But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
The difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Isaacs Newton died a virgin.
My grief counselor died, he was so good, I didn't even care.
A man died and went to heaven. Here he met Jesus. There were two clocks. The man asked, "What's with the clocks?" Jesus answered, "This is Mother Theresa's clock. She has not lied, so the clock hasn't moved. This is Abraham Lincoln's clock; he's only lied twice, so it's moved twice." "Where's Donald Trump's?" the man asked. Jesus replied: "It's in my office. I'm using it as a ceiling fan."
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.
One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”
