New Di Jokes - Page 27 - Worst Jokes Ever

My grief counselor died today. He did such a great job. I don't even care.

Me sees crazy man hit a old poor person me dials 911 police:what is that location me:idk where is dis location police:mission failed we will try again later me:wth police:ends call me:calls hospital hospital:what is that location me:idk where is dis location hospital:mission failed we will try again later me:WTH IS HAPPENDS EVERY TIME NOW EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE hospital:hangs up me:calls fire dEpArTmEnT fire:no fire dEpArTmEnT:what is that location me:hangs up and give up and goes home

Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."

Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"

Guy: "Yup"

Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"

Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"

Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.

He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.

We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)

My granddad died in Auschwitz in WW2...

He fell from a tower.

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."

Part 1: two men were walking down the way when the third one came Part 2:two men were walking down the way when the third one came Part 3: two men were walking down the way when the third one came Part 4: guess what.... two men were walking down the way when the second one fell in the sewers and died.... the first one was lonely

It’s been a terrible day today my ex got hit by a bus and died. Not only this but the council cut my bus drivers permit

A boy asked his dad for some money to buy an ice cream with, so he went to an ice cream van. Whilst he was in the queue, two boys asked him what flavor he was getting. He told them "strawberry." The two boys were shocked and beat him up. The ice cream man felt bad and gave him his strawberry ice cream for free.

When he got home, his dad also asked what flavor he bought. The boy said "strawberry." His dad then kicked him out of the house. The boy, confused, walked down the street and was stopped by the police, who were looking for a boy who had been eating strawberry ice cream. The boy said, "That's me," and the policeman arrested him.

A week later in court, the boy was on trial. The judge asked, "Can you tell me what were you doing on the fifth of May?" (the day he was arrested) The boy said, "I was eating ice cream." The judge decided he was innocent. On the way out, the judge asked him what the flavor was (he had forgotten to ask during the trial). Of course, he answered with "strawberry." The judge, horrified, realized he had given the wrong verdict and the boy should have been executed. Unfortunately, he couldn't change what had happened, so the boy walked out and crossed the road but was hit by a car and died.

The moral of the story is look left and right before crossing the road.

Why do people always talk about nine eleven??? my dad died that day he was a good pilot.

my friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over

Hate when my phone dies instead of me :))

Dad:im dying Son:hi dying, im [name] Dad:really, now is not the time Son:im sorry Dad:hi sorry im dad (dies)

The reason Stephen Hawking died was because he switched WiFi routers from Sky to Virgin, so his computer lagged out.

I have the best life coach ever, because he taught me to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.

my dad died in 9/11. he was such a good pilot

This kid was going to sleep and he said, "Night, Mum. Night, Dad. And night, Grandma, and bye, Grandpa." The next morning, Grandpa died, and the next night he said, "Night, Dad. Night, Mum. Night, Grandma." Grandma died the next morning. The next night he said, "Night, Mum, bye, Dad," and they heard the postman died because he was the dad, lol.