Destination jokes
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
When you are going back to where you live from a place that is a time zone behind where you live:
"Looks like I am going back to the future!"
Why did Steven Hawking go to hell, not heaven?
Because there is a stairway to heaven, but there is not one to hell.
Where do suicide bombers go?... Everywhere.
Why did the bee buzz off?
Because he had to bee somewhere.
Did you know if you give a guy a plane ticket, he flies once, but if you push him out of a plane, he flies for the rest of his life.
Do you know where priests go at night?
To all night sale at Boys R Us.
Confucius says, "Man who walks through airport door sideways with erection, is going to Bangkok."
A FedEx plane was carrying 375 fridges across Africa, but the cargo door wasn't shut properly, and only 218 reached the desired destination. The rest landed in a remote village. How many fell out the plane?
Time's up! You took too long; you only had 4 seconds to answer it.
How do you put an elephant into the fridge that pushed out the cargo door?
Open the fridge, put the elephant in, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe into the fridge?
Open the fridge, take out the elephant. Then put in the giraffe and close the door.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she got hit by the other 156 refrigerators.
How did she survive?
Her idiot mother tried to pull her out and accidentally ripped both her arms off, but she was rescued 8 minutes later.
What's your favorite place that orphans can't go to?
Home.
Where do astronaut cows go to get milk?
The Milky Way!
An alien goes to Area 51, but I wonder why he doesn't go to your house?
The teacher asks her class, "What is sex?" and Little Jonny stands up and says, "Sex is the temptation caused by the sensation when a boy sticks his location into a girl's destination. Did you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?" and the teacher fainted.
Where do bunnies go when they're sick?
The hoppital.
Where does a crayon go on vacation? To color-ado.
where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!
My sister is so annoying. She won $10,000 to go to hell.
When my dad once went to the Virgin Islands, now it's just called the Islands.
Where does Captain Hook buy his hook?
At a second-hand store.
Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.
The brunette brings canteens of water.
The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.
The blonde somehow rips off the car door.
The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"
To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."