I’m not into watching sunsets, but I’d love to see you go down.
Why does the adopted kid like playing GTA? Because he wants to be wanted.
Sleep, but make it forever.
Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?
So that they can be wanted.
The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?
Why did the cantaloupe 🍈 jump into the pool?
It wanted to become a watermelon 🍉.
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.
Advertisement: "What's in your wallet?"
Me: "The same amount of money as there is my will to live... ;_)"
Why does an orphan wanna be a criminal?
Because they wanna be wanted.
Why did orphans want to commit a crime?
Because they wanted to see what it feels like to be wanted.
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."
So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."
The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
What's a good way to masturbate?
Get somebody to do it for you.
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."
Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.
What do squirrels and men have in common?
They always want a nut.
If 2 + 2 is 4, and 4 + 4 is 8, then that must mean I can lick your pussy.
Cremation:
My last hope for a smoking hot body.
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
What's the difference between homework and a hooker? They both start with an "H", but we all know which one we would like to do.
