Person: What's your perfect date look like?
Me: Oh, just hanging around in a tree.
Depression Jokes
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!
Me: My therapist says I need those to live.
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_
Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.
Why is the world split in half? Because fat people are weighing the Earth down.
My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?
Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.
Your mum is so stupid, when she went on your phone it got fat.
Why are you sad? Because you are in Morocco, ha ha.
Wow, he stole my antidepressant toy. The next day, he was on the ground.
Less depresso, more espresso, I'm still depressed, but now I'm fast.
I laughed at my life so hard.
I gave an emo kid money.
He gave me the great depression.
What do you (anyone) and a joke not have in common?
Jokes have meanings.
Dad: Alive.
Brother: Orphan (fault=Mother).
Me: Dead on the inside but sadly alive.
Mother: Alive...
Wait a minute... I thought you were dead, Mom... Right, you're dead to me at least.
When your mom says it will all be ok if you just......... *there is blood on the floor*
Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.
Texter 2: How?
Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.
What is the difference between me and food?
Food has a use.
My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.
Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.
What did the tree say to the depressed kid?
"Stop hanging around."
Why did 10 kill itself?
Because it was between 9/11.
