Depression

Depression jokes

Man

Friend: You ok, man?

Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...

Therapist

My therapist said to try having a different outlook on life.

I agree. I should have a different outlook on life. Preferably from underground.

Voice

On the plus side, I finally hear voices talking to me... just wish they were outside my head.

Suicide

A priest sees a man about to commit suicide. The man says, "I have nothing to live for here. I will die, go to Heaven, and get 72 virgins." Then the priest says, "No need for this. I will take you to the local elementary school."

Dish

I decided that I'll end it all, but when I drove off, I remembered I forgot to do the dishes.

Noose

Me: Hey! Do you know how to tie a knot?

Person: Yea, why?

Me: Cause I need help tying this noose :)

Suicide

What's a depressed person's favorite drink?

Depresso espresso.

Nah, just kidding, it's bleach.

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  • Kid

    What's something the same about a depressed kid and a hanger? They both like to hang.

    Inside

    I'm sick of crying; tired of trying; yes, I'm still smiling; inside I'm dying.

    Nobody

    I have depression, and am suicidal. Nobody knows though, let's joke about that lol.

    Stuff

    What does the depressed person say to the happy person?

    "Damn, I wish I was on the stuff you're on, lol."

    Man

    If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.

    Interaction

    Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”

    Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”

    Dad

    My dad came over late at night. He was drunk. He started telling me how useless I was. Then I went to the kitchen, grabbed a knife, and stabbed him in the chest 47 times.

    Three minutes later, he died. Now I’m losing my mind and cutting myself.

    Suicide

    My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.

    Poison

    A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"