Depression jokes

Nobody: Aww, that's so sad!

Me: Just like me.

Teacher: Describe a penguin.

Student: Black, white, beak.

Teacher: Good, now describe an orphan.

Student: Sad, maybe depressed, no family.

Teacher: Amazing, now describe a cow.

Student: Brown bun hair, red shirt, white skirt, pantyhose, and dollar tree shoes.

Teacher: No! How does that describe a cow?

Student: It describes you tho.

Depressed people have beautiful smiles. Okay, it's not a joke for normal people, but it's a joke for us.

I decided that I'll end it all, but when I drove off, I remembered I forgot to do the dishes.

what happens when the president turns emo?

the great depression.

Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.

I was going to make a depressing joke, but my parents already did.

You aren't alone. If you ever need to chat, I'm here. From one person to another. I hate this condition. I wish we didn't struggle.

I saw this girl with blue hair and slapped her wrist and said, “NICE CUT G!”

How do you help a suicidal person cheer up?

You tell them it's a leap of faith.

If you’ve got depression, then your life is a joke. Everyone laughs at both.

Where did Holly go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

I chucked a lamp and a depressed kid, hoping it would brighten up his day.

My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.

I laughed when I realized that my suicide letter is way longer than my sibling's college essay.

If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I’m a star! Because one of these days, I’m going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.

If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I’m like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I’m like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I’m like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I’m like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.

Help me...

I asked my friend if they will show me something retarded. He said, "Go look in a mirror." I said, "Thank you."

My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?

Me: No.

Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.

My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.

How are wet clothes and a depressed person alike? One gets hung up to dry, the other gets hung up to die.