Depression jokes

The belt broke.

I don’t struggle with depression, at this point I’ve got it down. I’m good at depression.

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

Guys, depression cannot be turned into a joke.

If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

Me: Wanna hear a joke?

Person: Sure.

Me: Never mind, I was gonna say my life, but my life isn't a joke! Jokes have meaning.

Person: Dear God...

One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."

Jokes are like your grandparents, old and dead.

Joke.

I be ready to commit suicide.

But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.

Me and my friend's life story on a daily basis.

Kid #1: You're adopted.

Kid #2: At least they wanted me.

Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?

Maybe if the grass on my front lawn had depression, It would cut itself.

"Go big or go home," that’s what some people say.

"Go loud and proud," that’s what other people say.

"Go out with a big, loud bang!" that’s what I say.

What do you say to a depressed person?

"I like ya cut, G."

Are you going to jump? Can I jump with you?

Friend: Hi!

Me: Who are you?

Friend: ...your friend?

Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.

My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"

Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.

My depression is depressed.