Depression jokes

Me: The light wow brighter than my future.

I'm 17, right? Anyways, the other day my parents told me a joke they made 17 years ago, but they still haven't told the joke yet.

My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.

Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.

What time do you think dogs are not happy?

Bulldogs.

What did the rope and the tree say to the kid?

Do you want to hang later?

Life is like a game of chess.

I don’t know how to play chess.

What do you do when you run out of lines on your book?

You look at the emo girl and say, "Hey, can I borrow your arm?"

I love trash bags because they remind me of my heart... black.

My depressed mom looks good hanging from a tree.

"Meow, meow, woof, woof." That's what animals say to me when I die.

Imagine this scenario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "You have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc." and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.

White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?

Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!

What's a benefit of being an orphan? The chips always come in a family size :)

What do orphans call a family photo? A selfie.

Boy/girl: I love you.

Me: I love me too! But sorry, my mom said I can't date trash. Go back to the trashcan.

The boy/girl: I- *Is depressed*

Let's have toast in the bath.

Sometimes I just wake up in the morning and think, "Damn, better luck next time!"

A kid went and got a haircut. The day after, he went to school, and a friend says, "I like your cut." He replies, "Which one?"

I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.

Two friends fighting.

Friend 3: "Cut it out, you two!"

Friend 4: "It wouldn't help if they cut it out... Believe me... I've tried..."