Depression jokes

I got a toaster for my birthday and said, "Yay, new bath bomb!"

The belt broke.

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

I don’t struggle with depression, at this point I’ve got it down. I’m good at depression.

One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."

What does a knife have but not my life...

A point.

My crush rejected me 2 years ago, and I still have never moved on. I'll be over her when a train is over me.

Jokes are like your grandparents, old and dead.

Joke.

I be ready to commit suicide.

But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.

Me and my friend's life story on a daily basis.

Kid #1: You're adopted.

Kid #2: At least they wanted me.

Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?

Maybe if the grass on my front lawn had depression, It would cut itself.

"Go big or go home," that’s what some people say.

"Go loud and proud," that’s what other people say.

"Go out with a big, loud bang!" that’s what I say.

What do you say to a depressed person?

"I like ya cut, G."

Are you going to jump? Can I jump with you?

Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.

My depression is depressed.

My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"

At least someone who is gay/Carter has someone.