Depression jokes
I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”
– Rodney Dangerfield
People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?
Imagine you're playing GTA and you finally found out how to take out a gun: Option 1: shoot someone Option 2: suicide
Me: Aren't they the same thing?
The bible says to love your neighbors as you love yourself.
So I treat everyone like garbage.
I have depression, but I don't know how to show it in feelings.
Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.
My depression: hey, what's up!
Me: go away.
My depression: well how rude.
Me: 🙄.
My depression: remember that one time......
Me: no, don't even.
My depression: that we.....
Me: nope.
My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.
Me: 😳😶😟.
My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.
They tried to make me laugh, but I was already DYING.
It's all fun and games until someone fails at becoming Superman.
I told my psychiatrist I was going to go kill myself. He asked if I was paying for this appointment in check or cash.
Are you electricity? 'Cause I wanna get a bath with you ;)
what's a depressed person's favorite game?
hangman
The closest thing in a depressed person's life is a knife and his/her throat.
What happened when the Japanese guy offered Logan Paul a high five?
He left him hanging.
Me: "Oh man, things are really happening for me! I have so much to do!"
Depression: "Lie in bed."
What do depressed people use for emotions online?
They use EMOjis.
when you see a depressed kid, you walk up and say "wassup my lil barcode"
Can I die?
There are painkillers, but they only relieve physical pain. I wish something could relieve my internal pain.
Man: *steals drink*
Boy: bro😭😭
Man: Why are u crying over a drink?
Boy: That had drugs.
Man: ....
I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"