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Depression

Depression jokes

I am a failure to everyone and decided to attempt a suicide, guess what? I failed.

Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?

Alfred: Why?

Me: because I'm worthless... =)

What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?

They both have cutting marks.

Hi, how are you? Busy, busy today and tomorrow. I have to go home from home and walk home. Walk and a bike. Walk, walk, and a bike to school tomorrow night. I have to have lunch with my mom and dad, and I have dinner with you tonight.

The teacher is asking you a question.

Teacher: "If your biggest dream came true, what would you be?"

Me: "Dead."

  • 2

    • Orphan boy: "Your dad is probably disappointed in you. I mean, look at you."

    Me: "Well, at least my parents kept me. Where are yours?"

  • 5

    • People were talking and asking what's the worst day of the year for them.

    Person 1: "The first day of school because I don't like going to school."

    Person 2: "Valentine's day because it's too lovey."

    Me: "Oh nice, mine is my birthday because it's when I was born."

  • 4

    • Friend 1: What's your favorite drink or food?

    Friend 2: Pizza.

    Friend 3: Donuts.

    Friend 4: I don't eat food but I do drink bleach.

    Friend 1: (calling the suicide hotline)

    Friend 2: (Calling the parents)

    I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.

    Girl (on thirteenth birthday): Ma, why did papa leave?

    Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago...