Depression jokes
I never feel offended if my friends don't wish me a happy birthday.
Because that's what I want.
Are you a grave, 'cause I want you on me?
Mom: "I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes."
Me: "Why did you?"
Mom: "I was very drunk..."
Explains a lot...
Me: Hey, Mom? Why do we celebrate birthdays?
Mom: Because that's the day a new life was born, and people are born every day so every day is a special day.
My thoughts: And my friend wonders why I have depression...
*Watches sad movie with family*
Everyone else: *Crying*
Sister: How aren't you crying?
Me: I have no tears left to cry...
Can't wait to meet you!
So join the Depression family!
We open real soon!
Try best to hold onto sanity!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Insomnia.
You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can't cry myself to sleep anymore...
Are you suicide, 'cause you're always on my mind?
Next time at Walmart, I'm going to scan my wrist. They are basically barcodes.
I wish I could say that my life is a joke, but I can't because jokes have a meaning.
Who needs April Fools?
When your whole life is a joke?
Everyone has cracks in them, mine's just in my heart and not my ass.
Dark humor is like a home; not everyone gets it.
If I went to Walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they're barcodes too.
I always sucked at mazes. I found myself lost over and over again, but if life is a labyrinth, I'd always find the escape. The final dead end, my personal favorite...
Me: Knock knock.
Person: Who's there?
Me: No-one.
Person: No-one who?
Me:...........
I am a failure to everyone and decided to attempt a suicide, guess what? I failed.
Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?
Alfred: Why?
Me: because I'm worthless... =)
My depressed body would look great hanging from a tree...
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.