Depression jokes
Dark humor is like a home; not everyone gets it.
If I went to Walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they're barcodes too.
I always sucked at mazes. I found myself lost over and over again, but if life is a labyrinth, I'd always find the escape. The final dead end, my personal favorite...
Me: Knock knock.
Person: Who's there?
Me: No-one.
Person: No-one who?
Me:...........
I am a failure to everyone and decided to attempt a suicide, guess what? I failed.
Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?
Alfred: Why?
Me: because I'm worthless... =)
My depressed body would look great hanging from a tree...
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?
They both have cutting marks.
Hi, how are you? Busy, busy today and tomorrow. I have to go home from home and walk home. Walk and a bike. Walk, walk, and a bike to school tomorrow night. I have to have lunch with my mom and dad, and I have dinner with you tonight.
The teacher is asking you a question.
Teacher: "If your biggest dream came true, what would you be?"
Me: "Dead."
Don't say your life is a joke because jokes have meaning.
I wish my hair was depressed.
Cause then it would cut itself.
Depressed people are lame because they are just lame, no reason.
Orphan boy: "Your dad is probably disappointed in you. I mean, look at you."
Me: "Well, at least my parents kept me. Where are yours?"
People were talking and asking what's the worst day of the year for them.
Person 1: "The first day of school because I don't like going to school."
Person 2: "Valentine's day because it's too lovey."
Me: "Oh nice, mine is my birthday because it's when I was born."
Friend 1: What's your favorite drink or food?
Friend 2: Pizza.
Friend 3: Donuts.
Friend 4: I don't eat food but I do drink bleach.
Friend 1: (calling the suicide hotline)
Friend 2: (Calling the parents)
What do you call sad coffee... deppresso!
Why was I stress eating on the train track?
To wait to get hit.
I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.