Ol' Mate Shane Warne has sadly passed away. He was probably Australia's Greatest Ever Cricketer. RIP Ol' Mate Warney, died doing what you loved, having gay sex with men and doing cocaine! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Like if you RIP Shane Warne 🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺
The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.
Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.
I asked an angel, "How did I die?"
"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."
I can't tell what's farther, the Great Wall of China, or how far Paul Walker flew out of his windshield.
What is the worst thing to do at a funeral?
The corpse.
My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.
If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.
What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?
I don't care if she has either.
What do you call a dead baby?
Spawn killed.
The 2nd worst thing that happened to an orphan was finding out the milk man passed.
Where did Kobe go after the helicopter crashed? Everywhere.
Why did the orphan die on the road? Because they had no one to hold their hand.
Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
So I told an orphan to slap themselves until they are wanted. I came back the next day to see them slapping themselves. Then I stopped them and told them to punch themselves.
The next day I saw a dead orphan.
I wish I was a dinosaur because all of them are dead.
You know what the difference between Kobe Bryant and Russell Westbrook is?
He wears 0 and Kobe has 0 lives left.
What do the movies The 6th Sense and Titanic have in common?
Icy dead people.
What do you call the American healthcare plan for poor people?
Death.
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
A fat man meets a skinny man.
The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."
And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."
