"If all of these structures break we will all die." And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!" And he said, "It would be breaking news."
What’s 10 inches and makes women scream?
Cot death!
you should never try afgani weed becuse people in afganistan get stoned to death
My uncle died on nine eleven... he was the best piolot in iraq
I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...
Allahu Akbar!
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.
You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"
You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."
I had recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.
We found out that she died............... from an autopsy
A cat gets its tail run over, and it’s mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not!! He got nailed before he died.
why does doctor pepper come in a bottle?
his wife died
When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?
When a asteroid is coming to kill us all: 98.9% of the population: OMG WERE ALL GONNA DIE 1% of the population: eh.. I neber had any friends anyway. Alia: ROLL THE INTRO
Whats worse than ten dead babies nailed to one tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
What do suicidal people do in their spare time?
Hang out.
Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash.
Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
My grandpa has a world record for holding his breath. He's been holding it for 6 years.
Very sad today found my pet mouse ' Elvis ' dead this morning, he was caught in a trap .
