They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
A favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather, that is until my mom took the urn away from me.
Bro, if I die, I want to die blown up by 34 pounds of C4 at a furry convention.
What does Diana stand for?
Died In A Nasty Accident.
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to do suicide, and the librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
Why are orphans so bad at learning about ancient Egypt? They don't know what mummies are.
Suicide really isn't something to joke about, unless it's hanging yourself.
It's a really quicker way to die, and less blood spilled for your mother to clean up.
Why don't orphans learn about ancient Egypt? They don't know what mummies are.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream cone?
Because he got hit by a bus.
Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?
A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.
I saw an orphan on the street. I said, "Where are your parents?" He cried and said, "My mum and dad died in a car crash!" 😆😆😂😂🤣
I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... She died of hearing aids.
Which way is quicker to die? Noose or slitting my throat?
One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"
I don't like making Kobe jokes... they always crash and burn.
Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
Everyone at the Queen's funeral:
Me and the boys getting her reboot card.
I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.
How did 10 die?
Because it was in between 9 and 11.
