Dead jokes

So, I was fucking my daughter the other night, and I don't know what was funnier, the look on my wife's face, or the fact the abortion clinic let me keep her.

A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.

Ugh, don't you just hate it when you're having sex and your parents walk in the room and say, "No more dead babies for your mister, we are running low!"

He's dead now.

I just wanted to write something random.

And now my wife is dead.

What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?

They're both crazy and now dead.

Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guy's body. They notice when they walk over that he has a boner. The first doctor decides, "Why not fuck him? He still has a boner left in him." The second says, "Well, he's dead, and I am a virgin." The third one says, "I can't, I'm on my period," and then says, "Okay, why not? He's already dead. It's not like he doesn't smell bad." After all that, they go to walk out, and the guy pops up and says, "Thanks for saving my life, pumping blood back into my body..."

What is red, bubbling, and scratching at a window?

A baby in the microwave.

The other day I commented a dark humor joke on a post about a guy who lost his best friend. The joke was “I was so drunk last night I threw a mushroom at a midget and said ‘grow mario grow.’” He commented “What the hell is wrong with you?” and I said “IKR I really gotta work on my alcoholic issues.”

He then replied “This is a post about my dead best friend get the fuck off my feed I don’t even know you.” And so I said “Well then get to know me, I could become your new best friend!”

What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?

My dick while I'm doing it.

The orphans all died!!!

Oh wait, no one cares...

Their parents are all dead anyway. We are just making them happier. They get to join their parents in hell.

What do you call a cemetery of dead Arabs? A mine field.

Lol.

He’s not dead, just his storage unit.

How do you tell when your wife is dead?

The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

Two men were on a hike through a forest when one of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake.

The other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened. The doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom, so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, "Have you got the cure?"

Hiker number two just said, "Nah mate, you're dead."

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of dead babies.

What's the difference between Donald Trump and an orange?

The orange tastes good.

Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic?

Because dead babies make the best chum! :)

Baby Shark be like, "It's the END," bruh, they dead.