Dead Jokes

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

What have the films the 6th sense and Titanic got in common?

Icy Dead people

why is rape worse than death?

because dead people get way more attention

For sale: Dead Canary.

Not going cheep.

One day a cow ate a fish

what came out the other side?

A dead fish.

When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.

Why you can't kill a depressed person?

Because they are already dead inside.

A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."

So this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road he starts speeding. Eventually he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, is my wife okay, she was carrying my child. The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes “APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

So a woman gives birth to a child and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down and starts swinging it around the room and slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go you sick bastard!”, and the doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”