Dead jokes
Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.
I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.
My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."
Abortion is a really touchy subject for me. On one hand, there's dead babies! But on the other hand, women get a choice.
Osama bin Laden back from the dead!!! 💣💣💣💥💥💥🔥🔥🔥🌇
What do you call a dead hooker?
It doesn't matter, she won't answer you.
Wouldn’t the person be dead before the strangling starts? Unless Alastor did surgery?
Person A: C'mon person B, just be happy, smile.
Person B: Over my dead body.
Person B: *gets the noose*
Why would a dead guy lie?
Because he can't stand up.
My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.
What's worse than 1 tree with 10,000 dead babies on it?
1 baby on 10,000 trees.
I went to a funeral to revive my dead grandmother with the Reboot Card, but my family was upset!
Why would you shoot up an innocent school... if your aimbot's dead and you can't commit headshots only?
What do you call a dead polar bear?
Anything, they can't hear you!
Anonymous 1: Why are you crying?
Anonymous 2: No, buddy, come to my finral.
I didn't steal it. 🌚
What do you call a fish without eyes?
A fsh.
Are you dead? Because you look like my dog.
So, me and my friend dressed as dead people for Halloween. The only difference in the costume was that he was actually dead.
Kid: I want to be like Batman.
Genie: I can make arrangements. The kid comes home, both of his parents are dead.
Genie: I told you.
Kid: .............................................
What's black and grey and red all over?
A dead r******.
An orphan, an emo, and an apple are on a tree. The apples get picked unlike the orphan, while the emo kid is already dead from hanging.
Arby's fast food and abortion clinic: Your dead babies are our taters and gravy.