Dead

Dead jokes

Rape

I got arrested for raping a girl. Its so unfair, i really thought she was dead.

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  • Film

    What do the films The Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common?

    Icy dead people.

    Rape

    Why is rape worse than death?

    Because dead people get way more attention.

  • 1
  • Fish

    One day a cow ate a fish.

    What came out the other side?

    A dead fish.

    School Shooter

    When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say, “This boy always had a fat ass.”

    Hitler

    What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?

    Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.

    Baby

    So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."

    Baby

    So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”

    Body

    I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.

    Robbery

    Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"

    Girl: "Dude, this is a library."

    Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)

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  • Guy

    A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."