Day Jokes

My whife caught me one day for watching a porn channel so i quickly turned the tv to a fishing channel. On her way out she said: 'You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!'

September 11 bring your plane to work day

I threw a lamp at the depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.

I named my dog 5-Miles, so now I tell people, "I walk 5-Miles every day."

Your like a cloud. When you go away, its a beautiful day.

So I went out to eat the other day, and the waitress came up to me and asked if I wanted a glass of water. I said "Yes ma'am." She said "Oh honey, you don't have to call me ma'am, I'm not that old." I said "Okay, thanks bitch."

What do you call a group of Emo kids?

Suicide Squad.

What jumps and never let's go?

An Emo kid.

I bet all Emos want to be like their biggest influencers some day.

Dead.

Why do Emos want to be the "Scene" these days?

The only thing I've "Scene" from them is their suicide rate climbing, it's starting to climb quicker than they did to get to the top of whatever they jumped off.

*on a date* me - "I get to work with animals all day" her - "How sweet! What do you do?" me - "I'm a butcher."

Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.

Little Johnny’s mom is taking a shower little Johnny walks in and asks what is that in between your legs mommy says that is my keyhole the next day little Johnny sees his dad taking a shower and little Johnny asks what is that in between your legs daddy says that is my key the next day little Johnny says to his dad looks like the neighbor has the key to mommy’s keyhole too.

By:Xzavier

One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate' "

I won't reply on every jokes today because I want to say thanks (to everyone) for making funny jokes here... Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes, its makes me happy and its making me less anxious. I am really stressed on my school works and everything, I feel that I'm being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don't get enough sleep because of it... Reading these jokes entertain me and making me laugh so hard. *I apologize for my grammar

Halloween! The day nobody questions the bodies dangling in your tree!

A kid annoyed me the other day. I told him to shut up and go back to his parents. That's the last time I'm going to an orphanage.

Everything is so racist these days, you can't even say black paint anymore. You now have to say "Tyrone can you please paint that wall"

one day little billy came in pulling up his pants the teacher asks "Where have you been billy" he says on top of beverly hill a few minutes later little willy came in the teacher asked where have you been he says on top of beverly hill 10 minutes later little johnny came in teacher says again where have you been ha says on top of beverly hill a few minutes later a girl came in the teacher says who are you she says i'm beverly hill