I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.
Give a man a potato, he is full for a day Give a man a poisoned potato, hell be full for the rest of his life.
I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.
Why do orphins only have 363 days in year because there is no mother or fathers day
A man comes in to the pharmacy to get a flu shot. The pharmacy nurse prepares one of the shots. The man gets the shot and the nurse cleans the shot area. The next day the man comes back and gets another shot. Before he paid the nurse said, “Don’t you realize if you get another shot you may die from overdose?” The man said, “Don’t you realize if you don’t shut up I’ll give you a shot of lead?” The nurse got scared and quit her job. The nurse was relaxing looking for a vacation to book when all of a sudden she hears an odd noise. It sound like someone cocking a gun. The man was hiding behind the nurses bushes. “In return for you giving me shots here are yours.” Said the man as he was chuckling like a psycho. The man shot the nurse in the leg so she couldn’t escape, then he shot her left hand which is the ladies dominant hand so she couldn’t call the cops. For the finishing move the man curb stomped the fucking life out of her until her head was as flat as paper. 9 years later...... All along this man, this psycho escaped a mental hospital. He wen’t on mass genocide killing 20’000 people in just 3 years. This man is more than human. More than alien. More than god himself...,. It was satan reborn.
one day, a chicken went to the nail store. He asked the "owner" where the shampoo was. "BRO IM NOT THE FRIKKIN MANAGER" the guy said. So the duck walked away. The next day he went back to the store and asked a pregnant lady why she was so fat. The lady punched him and ran away. The duck cried. Then he went to the lady's husband and said that he must be tired of being married since she punches people every day. The man punched him. The duck assumed they were the punching couple. The duck walked, and then fell in a ditch and stayed there to die. The pregnant lady and her husband were very pleased >:) muhahahahahahaha
You're like a cloud. When you go away, it's a beautiful day.
Boosterthon asks to raise up to $35,000. I donate $35,000. I ask "what's my prize?", Boosterthon worker says "here's a headband". Me- "I donated the goal, so is that it?", Boosterthon worker- "no, it's $35,000 per person". I pass out. Boosterthon worker goes back to work like it is a regular day.
What's one thing you should never ask a suicidal person "are you ok" because the next day they'll either be died or have a lot more cuts than they started to those who are dead now was it fun?
Why did the depressed kid jump off the bike? It was free depressed day.
A day in the life of a Biden voter.
$2000 stimulus check? Nah, $1400..some day. No more kids in cages? Nah, more kids in cages. $15 minimum wage? Nah, $11. Maybe. 50k loan forgiveness? Nah. Lol No more deportations? Nah, they're still leaving. Women's rights? Nah, dudes in women's sports. New COVID bill? Nah, mostly bailouts and pet projects. Cheap insulin? Nah, jack those prices up. Defeat fascism? Nah, barbed wire fences around DC.
So i ment up to a Australia girls she look like 20 and i said can i have you phone number sweet heart she saod 696969 i said oh habha ok a few days later her mother called me and said she 15
Hey guys starting tomorrow I will put 1 letter of the doin your mom song every day. Can I finish the song? Also i might be in fortnite hehehehehe
Teacher:every1 tomorrow is bring your mom to school day Me:srry but my moms not gonna make Teacher:why Me: im an orphan bitch
one day im walking and i saw josh b he sucking balls and marco jump and we got earthquick and i say yamate
*i got to work* Ben: Oh no my boss is here i hate my job and im terrified of my boss Ben: Uh ey hey Mr.Boss Boss: Have a nice day Ben: Ok bye! Boss:??
What's the most confusing day of the year for an illegitimate kid? Father's Day
Sometimes I just wake up in the morning and think damn better luck next time
my friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day she was pulled in by a strong "currant"
>Sell PC >Go to Croatia >Try to fly to the US to meet female >US wont let me in >End up in Norway >female leaves me >Female gets arrested by feds >Feds read all my messages and see my dick pics
Just another day in the defib life
