Daughter Jokes


another 10 jokes in 1!

11. A man is walking through the woods when he sees a bear charging at him.
He books it, but he knows he can't outrun a bear for long, so he starts praying, "Dear Lord, I beseech thee. Please, o Lord, please let this bear be a Christian!" 
The bear catches up to him, knocks him down on the ground, then gets on its knees and says, "Dear Lord, thank you for this food I am about to receive..." 12. My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!!
Man, that sentence was way too long. 13. A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. 
A year later, there’s another knock at the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, “What was that all about?” 14. One day Max went to see Carl. Carl had a big swollen nose.
“Whoa, what happened, Carl?”, Max asked.
“I sniffed a brose,” Carl replied.
“What?”, Max said. “There’s no ‘b’ in rose!”
Carl replied, “There was in this one!” 15. My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone. It's my way or the Huawei. 16. A guy asks a lawyer about his fees.
“I charge $50 for three questions”, the lawyer says.
“That’s awfully steep, isn’t it?”, the guy asks.
“Yes, I suppose so”, the lawyer replies. “Now what’s your final question?” 17. For a high school dance, the head boy asked out the girl he liked. To get flowers for her, he had to stand in a line outside the florist for an hour. To make things worse, he had to wait another hour in a line outside the tuxedo shop. Finally, he goes to the dance with the girl. The girl wanted to have some apple punch so the boy went to get it, but to his surprise, there was no punch line. 18. A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. 
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped inches from a shop window. 
For a second, everything was quiet in the cab. Then the driver said, "Look, mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the living daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." 
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver — I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years." 19. Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment. His wife was standing nearby watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks: "Tim, I've been thinking, now that we're married maybe it's time you quit golfing. You spend so much time on the course. You could probably get a good price for your clubs."
Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
"For a minute there you were beginning to sound like my ex-wife."
"Ex-wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
"I wasn't," he replied. 20. Patient: "Doc, my bum hurts..."
Doctor: "Where specifically does it hurt?"
Patient: "Right around the entrance."
Doctor: "Yeah well that's the exit. As long as you think it's an entrance, it'll continue to hurt."


Men should provide their disobedient daughters with their own "milk" instead of letting them use the mother. That will teach those bitches some respect for men. It may even help them get laid later on in life.


The daughter walks up to her father and he asks him “Dad can I ask you something?” The father says “Of course, what’s your question?” The daughter replies and asks “How do you feel about abortion?” The father says “Why don’t you ask your sister?” The daughter replies “I don’t have a sis-“


in Smoking

Jack and jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana, jack got high grabbed her thigh, and said "you know you wanna" jill said yes and pulled up her dress and then they had some fun, but silly jill forgot her pill and now they have a daughter

haha i fucked you over


The daughter milked her dad. It turns out it wasn't milk...


in Offensive

A man is consoling his nine year old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted,

"You need to be more careful" he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."



How do you get away with rape and incest in California? Say you identify as a woman. Fact: It's actually legal to rape your daughter if you are a woman in California.



Orphan lady: ok kids, someone donated groceries Orphans: YAY! 5 minutes late.. Orphans: Wait..wheres the.. Orphan lady: *tries to hold daughter* Person who donated: *holds milk in hand* hehe


in Kobe

Helicopter, Helicopter Kobe Bryant in my chopper Sitting next to burning daughter Lots of smoke and little laughter

Tyrone Obama

How can all rape be prevented? Just teach your daughters to never say no to a man. There - fixed!

Mike Litoris

in Pervert

The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening. "Sure honey! If you suck my dick! So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!" "Oh yeah, I forgot" says the father "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."


Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.

9 months later they happily had some use for their baby carriage.

2 years later they went up again then their daughter had a brother.

But 1 little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother..


What do you call a autism daughter

Donkey Laugh

jack and jill went up the hill to get a bucket of water jack slipped his condom ripped and now they have a daughter


in Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water, Jack fell down his cock was out and Jill gained a daughter

Kai :)

in Memes

omg im sobbing so hard, saddest yt comment ever bro, challenge, find a sadder one

Mr. Eggo

One day, a little girl was texting her friend. " Guess what Angelica!" said the little girl

"What?" Angelica replied

"I'm a guy."


in Emo

A father came to his daughters 18th birthday he finally came


A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.

Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”

“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”