Daughter jokes

What did the father name his daughter with no legs?

Peggy.

"I only want to play with your daughter. It was okay yesterday."

Little Susie had gotten her first period. She told her mom, and they bought pads.

The next month, Susie's mom asked if she had her second one. Suzie said no, and her mom fainted!

I saw a dad shave his daughter's head because she made fun of a woman with cancer.

Good thing she didn’t make fun of a pregnant woman 🤭

A little girl said to her mom, "Mom, my butt's cracked, kiss it, kiss it!" Her mom said, "Sweetie, shut up, it's always been there!" Then her daughter died 'cause of her melodramaticness.

Me: Mom, can I have some makeup?

Mom: No. You are beautiful just the way you are.

Me: So that’s why you wear makeup?

Jack and Rose went on a cruise to do it in the water.

Jack seldom wore a condom, and now they have a daughter.

What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?

Chelsea Clinton.

I love you, Hebrew John.

Jack and Jill went down to hell to fetch your mother's bladder.

Her bladder broke. You two are soaked, and now you have a daughter, 'cause in that bladder was me!

Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and swim in some shit. Jack forgot to bring some goggles and floaty, and now they have a daughter.

Secret: Jill didn’t go in the shit yet. Jack went in first and died! :D

What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?

They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."

I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.

My 14 year old daughter went shopping at a grocery story.

She gets to the register and she asked the cashier to scan her scarred wrist.

The cashier scanned it and replied with, "Ma'am this item is worthless."

My mom smashed my Xbox, so I smashed her daughter. 😏

To All The Naruto Fans:

Sharingan is red, Rasengans are blue, If you dare touch my daughter, I'll Chidori you!

I would name my daughter Awesome so I can tell people that I'm fucking awesome.

"Rape is funny until it's your little sister or daughter getting raped."

Molly Burke and her mom were on a walk. Molly walked into a bar; her mom laughed and walked under it.