Dating jokes
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
Sophia matched with a midget on Tinder.
Midget: Hey! What’s up?
Sophia: Well technically everything is, from your perspective!
Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
I hate when my brother dates other people.
Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵
Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!
My boyfriend accused me of cheating. I told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.
What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?
When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.
What’s the best thing about dating an orphan?
You don’t need parental consent.
Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?
Because he had a reptile dysfunction!
Me to my friend: I only date suicidal girls.
My friend: Why?
Me: Because that pussy is limited edition.
Are you a wild girl, cause I want to catch you with my pokeballs?
What's the best thing about dating a blind chick?
She can't identify you.
If I told you, you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
Visiting Alabama? Pop-up dating ads be like: "Never be lonely at cousinsonly.com."
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
How are Tinder and orphans alike?
You swipe left till you find the one you like.
What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?
The second nightstand.
What's the difference between a hoe and a sidechick? The hoe want different meals, the sidechick always gone be that one crumb on the side of the plate for debate 💯.
Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?
Her: What?
Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.