Dating jokes

I was out to dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 47, had many people shouting at me and calling me a creep.

It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

Guys, help! I need advice to confess to my crush. I'm being for real right now, guys, help!

Why didn't Michael Jackson date 25 year olds?

Because there were only 20 of them.

Do people even like me, C. A. S. N. O. V. A.?

Are you a tree? Cuz I’m trying to hang with you. ;)

What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?

When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.

I hate when my brother dates other people.

Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵

Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!

My boyfriend accused me of cheating. I told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.

Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction!

Me to my friend: I only date suicidal girls.

My friend: Why?

Me: Because that pussy is limited edition.

Are you a wild girl, cause I want to catch you with my pokeballs?

What's the best thing about dating a blind chick?

She can't identify you.

Visiting Alabama? Pop-up dating ads be like: "Never be lonely at cousinsonly.com."

If I told you, you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

How are Tinder and orphans alike?

You swipe left till you find the one you like.

What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?

The second nightstand.

Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?

Her: What?

Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.

What's the difference between a hoe and a sidechick? The hoe want different meals, the sidechick always gone be that one crumb on the side of the plate for debate 💯.