Dating jokes
A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.
Ever notice 9-1-1 (the number for the po-po) is the Great Date (9-11)... Hmmm.
Where did the cows go to a date?
To the moo-vies!
I dated a girl, and I didn’t know she was previously in an abusive relationship.
I thought she just REALLY hated high-fives.
Why didn't Michael Jackson date 25 year olds?
Because there were only 20 of them.
Is your MBTI type INFP? Cause you're so FiNe.
On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?
I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."
Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.
I will give you all the fine chicks you want. Just dial this number: 313-974- tap that ass from Hooters strip club.
Rizz
Are you a basketball hoop? 'Cause I want to put my balls in you.
Are you a photo biographer? 'Cause I can picture us together.
Are you a keyboard? Cause you're my type.
What is the best Catholic dating app?
Grinder.
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I?
I asked a girl I met if I could take her out to dinner.
The joke is I knew right after she said, "I'll call you," she was lying to me, not surprised even a little.
The next joke was a part of me hoped she would call, but did I really think she was going to? I'll never be good enough for anyone, what was I thinking, why did I even bother to ask her in the first place? I think it was just to prove I was right, I'm unwanted.
LONELINESS EQUALS SADNESS.
Why did Chad date the 9 yr old?
Because Stellas hot.
Are you a school? Because I want to shoot a bunch of kids in you.
Are you a train because I want to get railed by you? ;)
Sophia matched with a midget on Tinder.
Midget: Hey! What’s up?
Sophia: Well technically everything is, from your perspective!
Jill went up to a bar to play a game of pool. Then Jack came in and asked Jill if she wanted to ride in his new car. She said, "I have to think." Then Jack said, "At least let me buy you a drink." After 5 drinks, he asked again. This time she said yes, so they got in the car and Jack and Jill rode up a hill to Jack's home. Then Jack said, "Close your eyes, I got a surprise!" So Jack lead Jill to his room then said, "Open your eyes!" So Jill opened her eyes, then Jack got them some red wine. Jack got drunk and unzipped his fly and Jack said, "I know you wanna." She said, "No way!" So Jack gave her one more drink, then she passed out. Then Jack ripped all his clothes off. Then he did the same to Jill. Then he did it till 3am.