Dating jokes

Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.

If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.

Why didn't Michael Jackson date 25 year olds?

Because there were only 20 of them.

Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?

Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.

Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?

Neither one of them, they eat out.

Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!

My boyfriend accused me of cheating. I told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.

Pick up lines.

"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"

"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."

I hate when my brother dates other people.

Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵

What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?

When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.

Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction!

Me to my friend: I only date suicidal girls.

My friend: Why?

Me: Because that pussy is limited edition.

Are you a wild girl, cause I want to catch you with my pokeballs?

What's the best thing about dating a blind chick?

She can't identify you.

Hi! This is a good prank I did! Okay, my sister has this crush and his name is Braylon. So, he texted my sister saying he wants to hang out with her, which I think means date. So anyway, I did this. My text said, "Hi Braylon, I can't hang out today... or the other day because I have homework, so please no hang out!" This is super wrong, but funny! Braylon texted back and said, "Fine, I can help." And I texted back and said, "Oh, will come here around 10:00." And my sister did not know he was coming... She was so embarrassed, she was still in her nightgown! HAHAHAH. O to the k, bye, that's the prankster!!!!

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

If I told you, you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

How are Tinder and orphans alike?

You swipe left till you find the one you like.

What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?

The second nightstand.

What's the difference between a hoe and a sidechick? The hoe want different meals, the sidechick always gone be that one crumb on the side of the plate for debate 💯.

Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?

Her: What?

Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.