Dating jokes

Are you a Chipotle bowl? Because I wanna eat you out.

Why were you born?

Because I asked out your mom on accident.

What did Bill Cosby say on the second date?

"Hi, nice to meet you."

What do you call an emo dating another emo?

The suicide duo.

What’s the difference between a loser and a paper?

A girl actually dates the paper.

Are you a bowling ball? Because I want to stick 3 fingers in you.

Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:

"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."

What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?

She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.

So, I went up to an Australian girl. She looked like she was 20, and I said, "Can I have your phone number, sweetheart?" She said, "696969." I said, "Oh, haha, okay." A few days later, her mother called me and said she's 15.

Their family portrait is also a dating app.

There are plenty more fish in the sea is the last thing you should say to a necrophiliac.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"

HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"

A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt, she says, "Oh, what chest!" "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby," he replies. Then he takes off his pants, she says, "Oh, what legs!" He says, "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running. He catches her and says, "Why were you running?" She said, "I didn't wanna be in there once I've seen how small the fuse was."

I used to date a girl named Ruth, but she broke up with me and now I am ruthless.

Would you rather date me or a lady?

I laid deez nuts in your mouth.

Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.

Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).

What happened to the woman who dated a rapist?

She was date raped.

Your hairline is so far back that it dated back to 13 BC.

I like my women the way I like my coffee, and I don't drink coffee.