Dating Jokes

Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!

My boyfriend accused me of cheating. I told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.

Pick up lines.

"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"

"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."

I hate when my brother dates other people.

Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵

What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?

When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.

Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction!

Me to my friend: I only date suicidal girls.

My friend: Why?

Me: Because that pussy is limited edition.

Are you a wild girl, cause I want to catch you with my pokeballs?

What's the best thing about dating a blind chick?

She can't identify you.

Hi! This is a good prank I did! Okay, my sister has this crush and his name is Braylon. So, he texted my sister saying he wants to hang out with her, which I think means date. So anyway, I did this. My text said, "Hi Braylon, I can't hang out today... or the other day because I have homework, so please no hang out!" This is super wrong, but funny! Braylon texted back and said, "Fine, I can help." And I texted back and said, "Oh, will come here around 10:00." And my sister did not know he was coming... She was so embarrassed, she was still in her nightgown! HAHAHAH. O to the k, bye, that's the prankster!!!!

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

If I told you, you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

How are Tinder and orphans alike?

You swipe left till you find the one you like.

What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?

The second nightstand.

What's the difference between a hoe and a sidechick? The hoe want different meals, the sidechick always gone be that one crumb on the side of the plate for debate 💯.

Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?

Her: What?

Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.

There is this cute Russian girl in my class, yet she hasn't asked me out for vodka.

A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a weekend trip. She said, "I want you to come spend the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we're there, I'd also like to take our relationship to the next level." "I'm there," the boy replied.

The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed some condoms. The pharmacist asked, "Do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?" The boy replied, "I plan on getting busy all weekend. I'm not gonna stop pounding her till I'm black and blue. Give me the family pack." "Sure thing," said the pharmacist.

That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. The girl's father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said, "You never told me that you were so religious." The boy replied, "You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist."

Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.

I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.