Dating jokes
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
Do people even like me, C. A. S. N. O. V. A.?
Why didn't Michael Jackson date 25 year olds?
Because there were only 20 of them.
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
Guys, help! I need advice to confess to my crush. I'm being for real right now, guys, help!
Are you a tree? Cuz I’m trying to hang with you. ;)
What’s the best thing about dating an orphan?
You don’t need parental consent.
What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?
When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.
I hate when my brother dates other people.
Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵
My boyfriend accused me of cheating. I told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.
Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!
Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?
Because he had a reptile dysfunction!
Are you a wild girl, cause I want to catch you with my pokeballs?
Me to my friend: I only date suicidal girls.
My friend: Why?
Me: Because that pussy is limited edition.
What's the best thing about dating a blind chick?
She can't identify you.
I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat, she said nothing. So I brought her to Africa.
Visiting Alabama? Pop-up dating ads be like: "Never be lonely at cousinsonly.com."
If I told you, you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.