Dating jokes
My girlfriend gave me the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
I was out to dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 47, had many people shouting at me and calling me a creep.
It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
Memes
Sophia matched with a midget on Tinder.
Midget: Hey! What’s up?
Sophia: Well technically everything is, from your perspective!
My boyfriend accused me of cheating. I told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.
Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!
I hate when my brother dates other people.
Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵
What’s the best thing about dating an orphan?
You don’t need parental consent.
What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?
When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.
Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?
Because he had a reptile dysfunction!
Me to my friend: I only date suicidal girls.
My friend: Why?
Me: Because that pussy is limited edition.
Are you a wild girl, cause I want to catch you with my pokeballs?
What's the best thing about dating a blind chick?
She can't identify you.
Visiting Alabama? Pop-up dating ads be like: "Never be lonely at cousinsonly.com."
If I told you, you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
How are Tinder and orphans alike?
You swipe left till you find the one you like.
What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?
The second nightstand.
What's the difference between a hoe and a sidechick? The hoe want different meals, the sidechick always gone be that one crumb on the side of the plate for debate 💯.