Dark Humor
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
How many dead babies does it take to put in a new light bulb? Not thirteen, cuz my basement is still dark. Let's try fourteen.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
What is the difference between a kid with cancer and dark humor?
Dark humor never dies!
Orphan jokes are like families, not everyone gets 'em.
(Also, I banged ya mum ;))
Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.
I hate double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”
What is a suicide pack's favorite song?...
Let the bodies hit the floor.
What do you call a group of emos?
Suicide Squad.
My friend asked me how fast my humor was, and I said it jumps borders. Then he asked how dark my humor is, and I said it picks cotton.
Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest?
To see who's hanging around.
Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: .....it...
Friend: No
Me: *smiles* GETS BEAT BY THE MISTRESS AND GETS SCOLDED BY THE MASTER!!!
Friend: Why are you like this?
Mom: See that guy over there with no hands, tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I'm blind.
Mom: Exactly!
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
I was hit on by President Kennedy, too bad I shot him down.