I hate double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”
Dark Humor
What is a suicide pack's favorite song?...
Let the bodies hit the floor.
What do you call a group of emos?
Suicide Squad.
My friend asked me how fast my humor was, and I said it jumps borders. Then he asked how dark my humor is, and I said it picks cotton.
Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest?
To see who's hanging around.
Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: .....it...
Friend: No
Me: *smiles* GETS BEAT BY THE MISTRESS AND GETS SCOLDED BY THE MASTER!!!
Friend: Why are you like this?
Mom: See that guy over there with no hands, tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I'm blind.
Mom: Exactly!
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
I was hit on by President Kennedy, too bad I shot him down.
My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.
What's a school shooter's favorite anime?
Assassination Classroom.
Rules of dark humor.
1. Everything shall be touched.
2. If it offends someone, it shall not be touched.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"
What's the difference between a dead baby and a slice of pizza?
A dead baby can't feed a family.
Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.
These murder jokes are just KILLING me!
