How do you get 50 hungry kids into a box? You put a can of beans in there.
How do you get 50 hungry kids out of a box? You run past with a can opener.
I can tell a joke :)
Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
What does this website with its comments and a cult have in common?
We have a case of Witzelsucht.
What constellation has no hair at all?
Cancer.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
I kicked a soccer ball at the kid in the wheelchair. Now we're playing Rocket League.
What's the most common thing between Hitler and an emo?
Hitler knows when to kill himself!
What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.
I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort their twins.
Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"
What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?
I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
My dad died in 9/11. He was a Muslim pilot.
Dark humor jokes about orphans are funny because no parents are gonna be told.
A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"
"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"
What makes a joke a dad joke? When it leaves and doesn't come back.
Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?
After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.
What happened when the emo kid tried to high 5 a tree?
It left him hanging.
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
What do JFK’s killer and a prostitute have in common?
“They both blow heads.”
If a crippled man told stories about himself, would that be called VeggieTales?
