Dad Jokes

Mom:rember you can tell me anything. Abbie:I had sex with dad. Mom:Go die in a hole!

my dad hits me :(

Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes!

Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jackson’s dad?

a dad asked his son what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday and he replied... hows about a urinal cake?!!

There was a orphan once and someone knocks on his door and said "hello son come and hug me" but the orphan says "excuse me who are you?" and the guy says "you dont remember me im your dad" and then the orphan says "fine then if your really my dad, come inside and let me asked you some questions" and the man says "ok then but i am really your dad" then the orphan asked some questions to the man and the man gets some of them right so the orphan believes that the man is his dad and then the orphan says "you really are my dad?" and then he shows his dad his house and the orphan has a room mate and the dad and the orpahn finally get to then bedroom and then the dad knocks out the orphan and then the dad starts to have something with the orphan / son and the room mate hears weird noises in the orphans / sons room and he walks in and see them having seggs and the room mate records it but then kicks out the dad out f the house and then the room mate shares the video to the orphans school chat and then the next day the dad gets arrested because he was actually a gay nonce and everybody at the orphans school call him gay but he really isnt but since he was mad and disgusted he pulled a AK47 out of his bag and kills everybody in the school and was never seen again.

Btw this is a joke so dont take it seriously.

my life

I turned the light on and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.

My friend's dad went to jail. He's just surprised because he can finally find him.

Knock, knock. (Whose there?) Your dad. (But my dads dead.) I know, just reminding you!

What did my dad say before he went to go get milk? Theres money in my wallet for pizza I love you.

doctor: i'm sorry, but you still have 10 seconds left. man: what?! what about my family??! my son is still missing! i can't just leave like that! doctor: don't worry sir, i told your family. man: that's.. great.. if they found my son, tell them that i love him more than anything and i couldn't keep that promise. the doctor watches the man closing his eyes while tears fell down from his eyes. doctor: i will... dad..

tq for reading my crappy joke

Dream Stans: Technoblade died too soon

Technobable's Dad: He was only 23 years old!

Pig's average lifespan: Only 15 – 20 years (23 years old is way above)

why did the orphan didnt do the work because when the teacher says they would call your mum or dad there nobody to call

I think my dad is to black because whenever he goes to bed and closes his eyes he disappears .🤣

One day my pet bark at me and so I got scared anWas my dad actually it was weird you should’ve saw him and so the goes on in the day because he likes to run around The house that he likes to do it out 😂😂😂😂😱

Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up? Because if they slept with both legs up they would fall over!

My dad...came over late at night...he was drunk...he started telling me how useless I was...then I went to the kitchen grabbed a knife and stabbed him in the chest 47 times......3 minutes later......he died........now I’m losing mind..and cutting myself....

Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with Cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The non stop dancer". It is very funny but it is made even funnier by Dudley moors, drunken and stoned laughter through the song. One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio but they are adlibbing and extremely drunk.