Dad jokes
Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.
Me: Wow, they found the body already?
Dad: :/
Why can orphans not get married?
They are dad can't walk them down the aisle!
My friend said having sex is a lot like your first football game.
You're bloody and bruised, but at least your dad was there.
Cousin: Hey, is that an octopus?
Me: Yes, what, it is just an octopus.
Cousin: Oh yeah, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Octopus touch me!
Me: What, it is just one..... ummmmm dad cousin d[id].
Conversation between a little baby and a lady👇
👱LADY: Hi. 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What is your name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: How old are you? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What is your mom's name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What about your dad? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: Can you spell your name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: Can you spell GOD? 💂LIT.BABY: (spelling) G.O.D
If a little baby can spell GOD, what about you? Just spend some minutes and type "GOD" if [you] know [that you] will sleep and wake up tomorrow by GOD's grace, ignore if you are living by power. MINE: GOD 😃
💔 The Broken Family 💔 . Part 1
Girl: Mom, dad tried to have sex with me last night.
Mom: Are you serious?? (Shocked)
Girl: Yah. He said I must kiss him after he didn't want to let me go.
Mom: Am gonna kill ur dad (Angry)
Girl: Please mom, we still need him, who will buy use food and clothes. You don't have a job mom.
Mom: But what he did was wrong.
Girl: I know.
(SOUND OF A CAR COMING IN)
Mom: Is that ur dad.
Girl: Yes Mom
Comment Part 2
Me: I broke me bum.
Dad: Oh, that is bad. I will get some Pooh in the toilet so I can heal your bum.
Son, what is 1 plus 1?
Dad, I don't know.
Son, it is 2.
Dad, oh, I was gonna say 2.
Me: I want a PS5.
Dad: Alright, I will say no.
My son and I went on a tour to the Old Trafford Stadium. We were admiring the 76,000 seat arena when he suddenly pointed at the pitch.
“Dad, who is that man camping there?” I said, “Son, that is Bruno Penandes. He lives in that Penalty box. He only performs in small games.”
If your dad said, "Take out the trash," he means to take you out.
I hate when people make jokes about the Twin Towers.
My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.
Son: Dad, what are those two huge balloons on mommy's chest?
Dad: I don't see balloons, but I see boobs. I mean, yes, balloons.
Son: Are you sure they're balloons? Yesterday I heard Uncle Frank trying to get a milk dispenser working.
My dad said I need to eat more. I don't know why, but his fat ass needs to stop eating.
A young boy walked up to his dad and asked, "Daddy, why are you banned from coming to elementary school?"
The dad calmly replies, "Because that's how I met your mother."
How come I have a father but not a dad?
He was a priest.
Why was my mate in "Mission: Impossible?" Because he couldn't find his dad.
One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.
You know if you go to Wal-Mart, and go to the milk section, you might just find your dads.
I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.