The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
Dad Jokes
I say 123, yeah, the kids bullied me, but they really don't know that my dad has a gun, yeah.
What is it called when you whoop a donkey?
A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.
I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.
A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a "no". His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, "Why do you keep asking me to croak?" The granddaughter replies, "Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland."
My dad asked, "Where are you going?"
Me: "Back to the orphanage."
Mom! I think that dad is sleeping.
Mom: No, honey, I killed him.
Your dad's penis was chopped off at the age of 2.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Dad!
Dad who?
Silence.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Dad!
Dad who?
*Silence*
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"
It was 7:00 a.m. when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep. He got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat. "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy's mom asked politely. Billy replied with, "Whatever Dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!"
When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!
My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.
Then I asked him how many years ago.
He replied with, "When were you born?"
Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"
Son: "Nah, mostly men."
Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"
My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either since 2005.
My credit card is more declined than the love from my dad.
When you send a dick pic and she sends one back,
I'm glad mine is the biggest, so I get to fuck my dad again.
What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?
My stepdad beat my ass before he left.
I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" The man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon."
