Dad jokes
A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.
My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.
When you're playing online with your friend, then you hear a kid scream: "No, Dad, please stop!" Scream ends with a gunshot.
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
I say 123, yeah, the kids bullied me, but they really don't know that my dad has a gun, yeah.
What is it called when you whoop a donkey?
A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.
I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.
A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a "no". His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, "Why do you keep asking me to croak?" The granddaughter replies, "Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland."
My dad asked, "Where are you going?"
Me: "Back to the orphanage."
Mom! I think that dad is sleeping.
Mom: No, honey, I killed him.
Your dad's penis was chopped off at the age of 2.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Dad!
Dad who?
Silence.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Dad!
Dad who?
*Silence*
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"
It was 7:00 a.m. when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep. He got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat. "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy's mom asked politely. Billy replied with, "Whatever Dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!"
When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!
My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.
Then I asked him how many years ago.
He replied with, "When were you born?"
Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"
Son: "Nah, mostly men."
Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"