Currency jokes

If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.

If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time.

One dollar bill is with a five dollar bill. The five says, "I make more cents than you."

Your mom's just like a penny. Practically worthless, and in everyone's pants.

What has a head and tail but no legs?

A penny.

Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?

1 scent.

I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?

2 pears.

I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?

3 coppers.

I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?

4 Lincolns.

I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?

NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!

Why don't some people like pennies?

Because it's common cents.

What do you call a peso?

A wetback greenback.

The cashier kicked me out because when he asked for 99 cents, I gave him 99 scents.

I am like currency; people always trade me out for someone better.

That is a "Penny-Farthing" bicycle. Dimes if you feed it beans.

What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?

A rhyme scheme that's all about the Benjamins!

How do rappers make their money?

By dropping dimes.

Why did the man laugh when he only had just one nickel and one penny in his pocket?

He had a 6 cents of humor.

No, "quarter quarter."

Why doesn't George Washington carry his ID?

Because he knows he can always ask for a quarter.

🇻🇪 Finally, I am a trillionaire. Now I can buy bread.

What has a tail, a head, but no body?

A coin.

The 10 cents said to the 1 cent, "Haha, I make more cents than you!"

What has a head, a tail, but no body?