Currency jokes

If the government can print money,

Then why are we paying taxes?

There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted to Roblox.

One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury.

One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignored it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened.

The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!"

Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too."

What do cows call money?

Moola.

A man who drinks a lot is told by his wife that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him.

Later, the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. 'Oh no,' he says to his friend, 'if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.' 'Don't worry,' his friend says. 'Put a £20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the £20 note for the dry cleaning.' 'Brilliant!' the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. 'No no,' the man says, producing the money from his inside pocket. 'A man threw up on me and gave me £20 for the dry cleaning.' 'What's the other £20 note for?' asks his wife. 'Ah, that's from the man who shat in my pants.....'

Dude, if you're at the ATM, wouldn't that mean you're buying your own money?

If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.

"Hey, hey, Spongebob! Water you doing?" [laughs]

"Just looking for all my coins with my metal detector because beach better have my money!" [laughs]

"How much have you found so far?"

"Y'know what, I'm not really shore!" [laughs]

I was at my bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"

Which president has never gone to jail?

Lincoln because he's innocent in a cent, get it?

What is the cheapest kind of meat?

Deer balls, two for under a buck!

Yo mama's so fat, when she sits on a dollar, four quarters pop out.

I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.

What's the difference between 63 cents and Princess Diana?

It's easier to scrape up 63 cents.

Why do they call it America when literally nothing is free?

Does money grow on trees? No.

What is money made of? Paper.

What is paper made out of? Trees!

A small boy went up to a dog fountain? The more you. HAHA gorgeous ddollars of benjamin frnakus wghen hes wearing beakini bea at the beach hahaha.

What does the cent say when it says hello? It waves.

I got $1,000,000 for my brother. Best trade I ever made!

And Sterling has taken a dive.

That's all for financial news, back to the football.

If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.