My friend said onions only cry, so that's why I threw a coconut at him.
What's the difference between a man and a table?
The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.
So an orphan was crying in a corner in the dark. Then a man came over and asked, "Why are you crying?"
Then said, "Do you want me to get your parents?"
Why did the octopus cry?
Because his mum said he looked like Johnny Depp.
When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.
Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.
Knock knock! Who's there? It's Dave! Dave who? Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
What’s pink, nine inches, and makes my wife cry when I shove it down her throat?
Her Miscarriage.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don't cry, it's just a joke!
Why does Aaron cry at night? His alcoholic father beats him.
Why did the little kid cry? His dad forgot to pull out.
Knock knock.
Boo.
No need to cry, it was only a joke. Yeh, I can't think of anything.
They say Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn't cry.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.
What’s red, nine inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry every time she sees it?
Her abortion.
Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."
The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"
What's 6ft long, red, and my girlfriend cries when I feed it to her?
A miscarriage.
Why do babies cry? Cuz they can't suck very well.
How do you stop a baby from crying?
Throw a brick in its mouth.
What is the difference between a whore and an onion?
You don't cry when you chop a whore.
