Crucifixion jokes
What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?
"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of him?
Well, it only takes one nail.
Are you Jesus? Because I want to nail you.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not! He got nailed before he died.
What was Jesus's favorite food?
Answer: Snails
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture? You need only one nail to hang a picture, unfortunately.
Why is Jesus in pieces?
Because a one man band is Nine Inch Nails.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
Did Jesus die a virgin? No, he got nailed before he died.
Of course Jesus wasn't a virgin! He obviously liked being nailed!
Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
You only need 1 nail to hang a painting!
Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice.
Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.
Why can't Jesus play hockey?
He keeps getting nailed to the boards.
Guy: Why can't Jesus have M&M's?
Priest: Why?
Guy: Because they'll fall through the hole in his hands.
What's the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?
It only takes one nail to hang a picture frame.
Why can't Jesus judge gay people?
He got nailed right before he died.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
Why doesn’t Jesus trust humanity anymore?
Because he doesn’t wanna get double-crossed.