Crucifixion jokes
Did Jesus cut his nails?
No! His nails cut through him.
How does Jesus whistle? Through the hole in his hand.
What did Jesus say when they removed the nails from his hands?
"Feet! Feet!"
What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and the real Jesus?
The picture only takes one nail to hang.
What's the difference between Jesus and a holy whore?
Jesus got pegged against a cross.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
How does Jesus whistle?
By blowing through the holes in his hands.
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
Did Jesus die a virgin? No, he got nailed before he died.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang the picture.
Why can't Jesus play hockey?
He keeps getting nailed to the boards.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
They'll fall right through his hands.
What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?
"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture? You need only one nail to hang a picture, unfortunately.
Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,
but died on the cross.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, you idiot. He got nailed before he died!
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of him?
Well, it only takes one nail.
Why doesn’t Jesus trust humanity anymore?
Because he doesn’t wanna get double-crossed.