Crucifixion jokes
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
They'll fall right through his hands.
Jesus walks into a motel, puts three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"
Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the inn keeper three nails and says, "Can ya put me up for the night?"
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
I don’t understand why Christians are so against body piercings. Didn’t Jesus have four?
Why can't Jesus judge gay people?
He got nailed right before he died.
Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,
but died on the cross.
What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
You’ll only need a single nail to hang the picture frame up.
What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?
"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture? You need only one nail to hang a picture, unfortunately.
You're so fat, you lasted a whole year on the cross just off of your fat.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
You only need 1 nail to hang a painting!
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of him?
Well, it only takes one nail.
What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and the real Jesus? It only takes 1 nail to hang the picture.
Why can't Jesus walk on water anymore?
Because he has holes in his feet.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
The picture gets hung with one nail, not two.
Why is Jesus in pieces?
Because a one man band is Nine Inch Nails.
What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?
Depends on who's sucking.
If Jesus was real, they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion. They would call it crucifact.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, you idiot. He got nailed before he died!