I don’t understand why Christians are so against body piercings. Didn’t Jesus have four?
Why can't Jesus judge gay people?
He got nailed right before he died.
Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,
but died on the cross.
What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
You’ll only need a single nail to hang the picture frame up.
What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?
"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"
You're so fat, you lasted a whole year on the cross just off of your fat.
Why can't Jesus walk on water anymore?
Because he has holes in his feet.
Why is Jesus in pieces?
Because a one man band is Nine Inch Nails.
What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?
Depends on who's sucking.
If Jesus was real, they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion. They would call it crucifact.
What's the difference between Jesus and a holy whore?
Jesus got pegged against a cross.
What's the difference between a hooker and Jesus?
Their face when you nail them!
Jesus was being hung up on the cross, and me and all the other people at the bottom of the hill were watching. Jesus cries out,
"Peter, Peter come to me!"
So I climb up the hill on my hands and knees, and when I reach the top, the Romans cut off my arms and chuck me back down the hill.
"Peter, Peter come to me!" cries Jesus once more. I stumble up the hill, then the Romans cut my legs off and threw me back down. For the third time, Jesus cries,
"Peter, Peter come to me!". So I wriggle up the hill, and I guess the Romans pitied me and let me through.
"Look Peter, I can see my house from here!"
Are you Jesus? Because I want to nail you.
What did Jesus say when they removed the nails from his hands?
"Feet! Feet!"
Why did Jesus not win any Stanley Cups? Because he was cut from the team because he kept being pinned to the boards.
Why was Jesus Christ cut from the hockey team?
He kept getting nailed to the boards.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a plank of wood?
A plank of wood can take nails to the extremities without screaming.
What's the difference between a painting and jesus?
A painting only needs one nail.
What was Jesus scared of the most?
Snails.
