Crucifixion jokes
Did Jesus cut his nails?
No! His nails cut through him.
Why was Jesus Christ cut from the hockey team?
He kept getting nailed to the boards.
Jesus was a carpenter who got nailed to a piece of wood.
What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?
"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."
Jesus walks into a motel, puts three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not! He got nailed before he died.
Why can't Jesus play hockey?
He keeps getting nailed to the boards.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
The picture gets hung with one nail, not two.
What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?
"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"
What’s the difference between Jesus and a plank of wood?
A plank of wood can take nails to the extremities without screaming.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?
It only takes one nail to hang a picture frame.
Guy: Why can't Jesus have M&M's?
Priest: Why?
Guy: Because they'll fall through the hole in his hands.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
What did Jesus say when they removed the nails from his hands?
"Feet! Feet!"
What was Jesus's favorite food?
Answer: Snails
Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.
What's the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.