What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
The picture gets hung with one nail, not two.
Crucifixion Jokes
What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?
"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"
Why was Jesus Christ cut from the hockey team?
He kept getting nailed to the boards.
You're so fat, you lasted a whole year on the cross just off of your fat.
Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the inn keeper three nails and says, "Can ya put me up for the night?"
What was Jesus scared of the most?
Snails.
Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice.
Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.
What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and the real Jesus? It only takes 1 nail to hang the picture.
Jesus was a carpenter who got nailed to a piece of wood.
Jesus was being hung up on the cross, and me and all the other people at the bottom of the hill were watching. Jesus cries out,
"Peter, Peter come to me!"
So I climb up the hill on my hands and knees, and when I reach the top, the Romans cut off my arms and chuck me back down the hill.
"Peter, Peter come to me!" cries Jesus once more. I stumble up the hill, then the Romans cut my legs off and threw me back down. For the third time, Jesus cries,
"Peter, Peter come to me!". So I wriggle up the hill, and I guess the Romans pitied me and let me through.
"Look Peter, I can see my house from here!"
Why did Jesus not win any Stanley Cups? Because he was cut from the team because he kept being pinned to the boards.
What was Jesus's favorite food?
Answer: Snails
What’s the difference between Jesus and a plank of wood?
A plank of wood can take nails to the extremities without screaming.
