Crime jokes
I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:
1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.
I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.
What do Israel and Epstein have in common?
"Look at that, time to blow up some kids."
If you were to ask me, "Where would be the worst place to commit a crime?" I would say a multi-storey car park, because if you think about it, it would be wrong on so many levels.
Jeffrey Dahmer likes his men how he likes his coffee: black and ground up.
I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."
Paedophiles are f***ing immature assholes.
Why did the orphan get arrested for identity theft?
He dressed up as Batman for Halloween.
What were my final words to Putin before I put a bullet through his head?
Answer: Putin, put out!
Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.
Madeline Mcannot find her.
Your hairline is so back when the police saw it, they had to arrest you.
Q. What's the difference between a baby and a bale of straw?
A. I got arrested last time I speared a baby with a pitchfork.
A kid decided to burn his house down.
His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."
You hear about Rapboats' time in prison? He kept droppin' the soap on purpose.
What do you call a strong, independent girl in Haryana?
Dead.
What's the difference between Batman and a Black man???
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
Why can an orphan never get picked up?
Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL
OMG guys, I finally did it. I made a head slicey boy. I have headless.
How many terrorists does it take to tile a roof?
It depends on how thin you slice them.
Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.
The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.