Crime jokes

I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.

It's not rape if you're both crying.

Incest. A game the whole family can play.

Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.

Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.

What do you get when you cross a road with a stalker?

Raped.

What is the difference between R Kelly and Kelly Clarkson?

R Kelly hits on preteens, Kelly Clarkson hits on toddlers.

My grandpa may be a pedo, but at least he slows down in the school car park.

Pedophiles don't win races because they like to come in a little behind.

I got raped by my therapist... now I know where the name comes from!

Someone stole my toilet, and the police have nothing to go on.

The cops are still searching for my wife's killer. Luckily, I already fled the country.

What do you call a swimming terrorist?

A bath bomb.

What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.

Friends call me crack miser, whatever I snort. My brain starts to distort! I'll be in court.

What's a pedophile's favorite cooking ingredient?...... Fresh meat.

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?

Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?

I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.