Crime jokes

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'

I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...

I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.

It's not rape if you're both crying.

Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.

What is the difference between R Kelly and Kelly Clarkson?

R Kelly hits on preteens, Kelly Clarkson hits on toddlers.

Pedophiles don't win races because they like to come in a little behind.

Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.

Incest. A game the whole family can play.

Someone stole my toilet, and the police have nothing to go on.

The cops are still searching for my wife's killer. Luckily, I already fled the country.

I got raped by my therapist... now I know where the name comes from!

There was a murder. The detective suspected the artist first... because he was sketchy.

We shouldn't joke about rape, because rape is no laughing matter...

Unless you're being raped by a clown.

My grandpa may be a pedo, but at least he slows down in the school car park.

What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?

Friends call me crack miser, whatever I snort. My brain starts to distort! I'll be in court.

How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."