Crime

Crime jokes

Murder

You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...

Crush

I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.

Memes

R. Kelly

What is the difference between R Kelly and Kelly Clarkson?

R Kelly hits on preteens, Kelly Clarkson hits on toddlers.

Pistol

Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.

  • 1
  • Killer

    The cops are still searching for my wife's killer. Luckily, I already fled the country.

  • 2
  • Rape

    I got raped by my therapist... now I know where the name comes from!

    Artist

    There was a murder. The detective suspected the artist first... because he was sketchy.

    Grandpa

    My grandpa may be a pedo, but at least he slows down in the school car park.

    Garden

    I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

    Double Standard

    I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?

    Friend

    Friends call me crack miser, whatever I snort. My brain starts to distort! I'll be in court.

    Rape

    We shouldn't joke about rape, because rape is no laughing matter...

    Unless you're being raped by a clown.

  • 4
  • Choice

    How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."