Crime jokes

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?

I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

I love murder shows... wish me luck cause I'm kinda hoping to be on one one day.

A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing.

Man: "Ah, suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?" Lady: "Yep. I hate this world." Man: "Well, if you're gonna die, can we have sex before you jump?" Lady: "Hell no! You creep!" Man: "Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore."

Roses are red. He shows no remorse.

Santa Claus Has joined the terrorist force.

What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?

Children.

Dream tweeted, and I quote, "Babies kick pregnant women all the time, but I do it one time and I’m the one arrested."

Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank? He ran away so fast he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.

I saw a man trying to rape a girl. I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against both of us.

What is a pedophile's favorite song?

Jerking off in A minor.

How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."

Rape is such an ugly word, I prefer the term "struggle snuggle."

A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"

What's the difference between Jesus and the baby I have in my basement?

Jesus died a virgin.

What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?

The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.

We shouldn't joke about rape, because rape is no laughing matter...

Unless you're being raped by a clown.

How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?

Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.

One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"

Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"