Crime jokes

I love murder shows... wish me luck cause I'm kinda hoping to be on one one day.

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?

I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

What do kidnappers and Mickey Mouse have in common? They say, "Come inside, it’s fun inside."

What do you call a swimming terrorist?

A bath bomb.

A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing.

Man: "Ah, suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?" Lady: "Yep. I hate this world." Man: "Well, if you're gonna die, can we have sex before you jump?" Lady: "Hell no! You creep!" Man: "Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore."

What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?

Children.

Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank? He ran away so fast he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.

Why did Yoda go to jail for rape?

He doesn't get consent; he just uses the force.

I saw a man trying to rape a girl. I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against both of us.

A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"

What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?

The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.

Michael Jackson was once a guitar teacher, but he got fired because he fingered a minor.

Rape is such an ugly word, I prefer the term "struggle snuggle."

Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?

They say he had locomotives.

What's the difference between Jesus and the baby I have in my basement?

Jesus died a virgin.

Dream tweeted, and I quote, "Babies kick pregnant women all the time, but I do it one time and I’m the one arrested."

How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?

Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.

One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"

What is a pedophile's favorite song?

Jerking off in A minor.