Crime jokes
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?
Friends call me crack miser, whatever I snort. My brain starts to distort! I'll be in court.
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
We shouldn't joke about rape, because rape is no laughing matter...
Unless you're being raped by a clown.
I love murder shows... wish me luck cause I'm kinda hoping to be on one one day.
A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing.
Man: "Ah, suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?" Lady: "Yep. I hate this world." Man: "Well, if you're gonna die, can we have sex before you jump?" Lady: "Hell no! You creep!" Man: "Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore."
Roses are red. He shows no remorse.
Santa Claus Has joined the terrorist force.
I saw a man trying to rape a girl. I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against both of us.
What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?
Children.
Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank? He ran away so fast he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.
Dream tweeted, and I quote, "Babies kick pregnant women all the time, but I do it one time and I’m the one arrested."
What is a pedophile's favorite song?
Jerking off in A minor.
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."
Rape is such an ugly word, I prefer the term "struggle snuggle."
What's the difference between Jesus and the baby I have in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"
What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?
The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
What is Bill Cosby's favorite poem? Roses are red, my cum is blue, I'll wait till your asleep to rape you.
How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?
Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.