Crime jokes
When you go to the priest's basement, you will always find the pope's body and his children in the corner of the room.
Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"
"No."
"Have you always been honest?"
"No, never been caught!"
What’s red and white and black all over?
A dead white man at night time!
So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.
Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was the first person to try Five Guys?
Teacher: Students, tomorrow bring your parents to the open house.
Student one orphan: I don't have any.
Student 2: What is the difference between you and an escaped prisoner?
Student one orphan: What!
Student 2: The prisoner gets picked.
What's a convict's favorite song?
"I want to break free."
My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.
What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
How many terrorists does it take to tile a roof?
It depends on how thin you slice them.
What happened to the terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?
He burnt himself on the exhaust pipe.
Pokemon: What do you call a killer that uses psycho powers?
Mr. Mime!
Why am I in jail?
All I did was cause 9/11.
Why do orphans wish they had a bounty on them so that they can be wanted?
Why did the orphan rob a bank?
For he can be wanted.
Why [doesn't] Hollywood make a good movie about holocausts?
Because it's so hard to skin Jewish characters.
I will never understand why manslaughter is illegal.
Men should be able to laugh at whatever they want.
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?
A Kinder Joy.
What do you call a terrorist swimming?
A bath bomb!