Crime jokes
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."
Teacher: What comes after C?
Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4!
Teacher: Umm, ok... but still what comes after A?
Me: AK47!!!
Teacher thought: Oh hell na.
Teacher: What comes after X?
Me: Xplosin.
1 second later, bomb goes off. Idk.
I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.
Roses are red, my cum is blue, I'll wait till you're asleep to rape you.
What do you call a virgin kid locked in a room with a pedophile? Past tense.
How do you get away with rape and incest in California?
Say you identify as a woman. Fact: It's actually legal to rape your daughter if you are a woman in California.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"
There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.
Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.
Q: What did the terrorist say during a plane flight? A: “Wow! This flight is the bomb!”
I’m gonna put my AR 15 up your fucking ass and pull the trigger!
Why can't orphans be robbers?
Because they're not wanted.
90 percent of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist.
What's with all the orphan jokes? Kinda sus. #fbi
Why did an orphan rob a bank?
To be wanted.
What am I gonna do on the 5th anniversary of the Parkland shooting?
Shoot a load in you just like I shot those kids ;)
Why do orphans rob the bank?
Because they want to be wanted.
Why did the terrorists crash?
They were doing the job they loved but not getting paid.
Lol.
Why did the terrorist not get paid, but they loved their job?
They di2s drying plans.
I don’t know why I’m in jail. So, basically, I was at a gun range, and we were supposed to hit the targets, even though I hit it.
Are you a school? 'Cause I wanna shoot kids in you.